time really does heal all things minneapolis: I haven't been on the site recently, probably not for the past 2-3 months. When I first weaned myself off the site I felt proud to have moved on from needing ojar. And I was happy that I was no longer in a place where I needed the continual support of people I didn't know.
But I've been thinking about it and I've decided that since I've taken so much from everyone here- drinking in their advice, learning from their mistakes, taking comfort from their words- maybe I ought to give a bit back to the newbies who are just starting the painful process that we all know too well.
I've learned a lot in the 9 months since my husband left me- about him, about myself, about my friends, about the world around me... But the thing I always come back to is the lesson that time heals all wounds. I know it is so freaking trite and cheesy, unoriginal, certainly nothing you'd put on a bumper sticker or add to your signature line - but it is true. And it gives me hope.
Tonight I came home from dinner with a friend and realized that I am really no less happy than I was when I was married. I am the same person I was before. I am okay. I never thought I would get to this point. I remember in the days after he left telling a friend of mine that i wished I could wake up a year from then because I knew it would be better...and it is (and it's "only" been 9 months!)
And sometimes it helps me to think about all the things that are better since he left. Here's what i have so far, feel free to add (and if you're too new to think that you will ever have anything to add to the list, trust me - you will):
1- No dirty dishes in the sink
2- The car always has gas in it
3- I never have to buy tempeh
4- Enough hooks on the coat rack for all of my coats (I live in MN...there are a lot of coats!)
5- I can blow dry my hair in the morning wihtout fear of waking him
6- Not being consumed by what time of the month it is (we were trying to get pg)
7- I get to watch whatever I want on TV
8- Buying the furniture I want (Jennifer Anniston was right on this!)
9- Not having to share holidays with his family
10- Throwing stuff away (he was a terrible pack rat)
11- Being free to develop deeper relationships wiht people who otherwise saw me as part of a couple (i.e. emotionally unavailable for deep friendship)
12- Everything in the fridge is edible (except for maybe that salad dressing in the door that I can't bother to throw out)
13- All sorts of things thatI haven't even discovered!!
Point is: things get better. You too will discover that time may leave you with a scar, but you will be whole again. I know you don't believe me - I didn't either. BUt you will.
Re: time really does heal all things sacoderisa: I feel you, and thank your lucky star u didn't get pg. I wish that was my story, but this girl hangs around because of my daughter. I don't like to say it, but sometimes i wish that she could go away and just leave me alone with my daughter. but since she is the one taking care of her, I have to see her, again and again........and as lil as a few weeks ago she was sleeping in the same bed as me......fooling me, thinking that she still cared for me.....when will i learn........prolly never, i bet she shows up right now i roll the red carpet and make her dinner and invite her to stay with me for the night........I know I can do better.......I just don't know where to start.
Re: time really does heal all things changed4ever: Thanks for the inspiration. I see it myself now, but I have to say that it's a hard and long road to let go and we are constantly tested on our resolve to move forward. But if you stay the path, you suddenly wake up one day and see that life really isn't that bad and you have your whole life still ahead of you.
Saco, I just wanted to say that I have been where you are and it sucks because you feel like your starting over from the beginning again, maybe you are but I don't think so. You're wiser now and stronger. I just want to tell you that when I limited contact ( will only discuss the kids, as soon as he says anything about us, I tell him I have to go) my life improved dramatically. It's hard but I believe it's the first step in letting go and healing. Good luck to you.
Re: time really does heal all things biamiyumba: Thanks for coming back to share that. Im still in the devastation stage of this trauma. I feel a hundred percent better now thanks to you. Good Luck in your future, I hope you find someone more enlightened next time.
Re: time really does heal all things lost enigma: I pray for my sanity that time does heal all wounds because right now I am pretty hopeless that I will ever get over this
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