Step parents hardship wolly1234: I couldn't take anymore. I left and flew 1700 miles away. It was a disaster. SHe let the mortgage go, bills on top of bills. I was working 60 hours a week, her not at all. (School bus driver, 1/2 a day 1/2 the year) I had 3 teenage stepkids. One 19, screwing up(boy) one 15 (girl) screwing up. and one 17 yo boy ready to leave for the marines. I loved the kids more than life itself, I just couldn't handle her anymore. She lied, and did nothing to help the marriage. 6 years of her ripping her ring off. She had hormonal issues, but wouldn't stay on her meds. I tried so hard. Now, I am trying to regain a realtionship with kids who feel abandoned by me. But I didn;t abandon them. I am here for them. THey love me but they are so mad. I understand. But how do I make them understand? I never wnated to go through this, I am lonely and far from home. I miss them. even her. My wife, my kids of 7 years. My young man, the Marine. How do I make them understand that it wasn't there fault. Maybe I should have stayed, but I knew what would happen, and I was right. SHe started dating almost immediately, and I wouldn't have been able to handle that. I love them, and I miss them, but as a step parent, even a loving one, we usually get the short end of the stick. Mother will convince them who's fault it was. I wish it was the old days, when marriage meant alway s working it out. I didn't cheat, I didn't lie, I worked very hard, I showed love and affection. I truly did my best. I thought that was what it was all about. Now 7 months later in my dingy apartment, alone, instead of in my bed with my wife next to me, with my kids in thier bedrooms in our own home, I am simply lonely and confused. And I miss my stepkids who blame me for giving up on their mother who gave up on us and herself long ago. I did everything I knew how, but it wasn't enough. ANd now I am lost. I haven't been with another woman since. It came easy enough for her, but I can bring myself to be with someone else. Everyone says I should, but it just doesn't feel right. ANd I wonder if it ever will.
But most of all I miss the kids. And wish I could have been there to see my young man graduate from the marines. I am so proud of him. I am proud of all 3 of them, but they don't want to have anything to do with me, because I left their mother, who left our marriage, long ago.
Re:Step parents hardship Safetykc: Wolly,
Welcome...So sorry and glad you found us. You are in so much pain right now. I can feel it.... :'(
Hang in there and keep posting and reading. It helps....
I was in a similar situation. As a stepdad I mean. I only have seen my stepkids once during the seperation and none post divorce...It is and was hard.
So I understand some of the pain...truly...I loved them like they were my own flesh and blood, but when she had an affair and decided to leave me it was like they were ripped out of my life. But it does get better. I know you will hear that a lot over the coming months.
I just wanted to say welcome and you are not alone. We all are at different stages of the divorce coaster.
Take care man,
Safety
Re:Step parents hardship finney5: It really sucks when kids are involved because they are the true victims in situations like this. I'm going to make a suggestion. Maybe write each of them a letter telling them how you feel. Don't tear down your ex in the letter, but let each kid know why you think they are so important and what it is about each one that makes them so special. They are all adults, or very close to being adults, so what they would choose to do with the letters would be up to them.
It's just a suggestion, but I think that letters are so much more personal than phone calls and emails. It's something tangible that they can carry with them.
I know how it really sucks to be alone. Good luck..
