So now I have a question..... WhiskeyGirl: Hey guys :) Seems its been a while since I was "up here" for myself anyway but now I'm confused again (Yeah I know, It happens alot ::) )
Anyway, been seperated for over almost 2 yrs now and the main reason has always been the fact that he's a pill addict, refused to even acknowledge it, etc, etc, etc. I would never have thought he would quit, in fact just the other day I said to someone his chances of getting clean were slim to none.
Anyway....night before last he shows up here and all of a sudden everything I asked for came true. He admitted he had a problem, he has been clean for 2 weeks appparently, he was very remorseful (we're talking tears here) he's agreed to a treatment program.
I know...so whats my problem?
I don't think I love my husband anymore thats what my problem is. He stayed here that night and try as I might I just didn't feel a damn thing. I care about him deeply but those old feelings are gone. I had to fight back tears as I fell asleep because its so damn sad to me. Had he done this a yr ago I still loved him and it would have worked. In the morning we talked, he said "Its not the same for you , is it?" I said "No, its not" he asked what we should do, I said I dont know. He said he will stay away until I figure it out because it hurts too much to be around me knowing I dont feel the same.
So thats where I'm at....now heres my question.
How much do I owe it to my children to give this marriage another shot? Any of you remember my first post about my life of hell with this guy? So now he's willing to get help and get clean......what do I do now that I realized theres more to it than that. After you truely feel you have moved on and no longer have feelings for the ex.....can you ever get them back, the feelings I mean?
You know....I feel like this should either make me really happy....or really angry.....but its just making me sad, really sad :'(
Thinking about getting back together with him is like taking a step backwards, and staying stuck there in mediocre land....not really happy, but not so sad either, I mean, my kids have there family back, right? I'd have help around the farm. ARGH :-\ So why do I start crying everytime I think about it?
I need to know what the right thing to do is......opinions please. My kids come first.....but how much of my own happiness am I expected to sacrifice?
Whiskey
Re: So now I have a question..... lost enigma: Oh boy,
This seems like the perfect bad situation :-\. You have spent the last 2 years recovering from his treatment towards you and the marriage. Do you honestly think he will stay clean and make BIG improvements in his life. If you have the slightest doubts, don't do it. It's not fair to the children involved. They deserve 100% from both parents.
If you feel that you do not have that love for him, don't subject yourself to guilt. You did what you had to do to move on with your life and most of all you did what was best for your kids.
I dont know if i helped, but i think you have to monitor him for a long time.
Re: So now I have a question..... alfaromeo: I think that if you were really supposed to be with him you wouldn't have these questions. I think that since you have these questions, they answer your question.
Best of luck, I know you'll make the right decision.
alfa
Re: So now I have a question..... lost enigma: Alpha is good!!!! Take the advice!
Re: So now I have a question..... Chey: WG, toughie here for sure.....it sounds like you're not 100% sure on giving up this battle.
I think in this instance you have to leave the kids out of this equation (I know that sounds weird), because it will be you who will be affected the most.
My own immediate thought? Date him. As with any new man in your life they need to prove themselves. This is no different. He is coming to you telling you he's different, effectively a "new man". Why not eliminate any doubt in your mind? You feel you owe yourself an answer, since it seems you arent in a rush to go anywhere....perhaps take the time to step back from the "wife" role and step into a dating / lets see you prove yourself role.
It may sound weird, but with some set ground rules (no sex being one of them) maybe that will allow you to figure it out and not be left with any "What if" doubts.
Chey
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