Re: So now I have a question..... WhiskeyGirl: You guys are the best. This is a time when I have a hard time talking to family and friends.....they basically all hate my ex and would not be very objective about it at all. So its good to hear what you all think with just the facts and no personal feelings involved. Thank-you all for your kind words and support. Just a few things I want to comment on. Yeah, lumpy I guess thats what I wonder.....would they be happier? I mean they are definately alot happier now than they were when we were together but without the drugs....it could be different, right? You may be right though...it seems he may be a day late and a dollar short.
Oh charmed...."wither away with him" yeah.....thats exactly how I feel, just thinking about it bring tears to my eyes. but at the same time I suddenly feel guilty for wanting to move on with my life....and continue on the road away from him. Thanks charmed, its good to know I can pm you if I need to blab about this some more.
And blazin' to me...love IS a feeling. If it was as easy as saying okay...I'll love him now. I would do it in an instant, I mean that would be ideal wouldn't it. Gee, I can think of so many people I should have "chose" to love instead of my husband....I mean how dumb am I chosing to love my struggling, unstable husband instead of the rich, sweet, stable ones....huh, if only I'd known it was just a matter of choice. ::)
Anyway, the feeling is just not there....we had been together for 8 yrs, yeah it wasnt always passion and romance but I always felt "right" when we were together.....now it doesn't feel right.....does that ever come back?
[quote author=blazin'heart link=topic=20048.msg185588#msg185588 date=1128831860">
It's tough. There's a very good chance that he will battle this addiction for years to come. There's a very good chance that he won't stay clean for long. So ask yourself...if you get back together with him, are you going to dump again should his addiction rear it's ugly head again?
Cause that's what this all boils down to, not what he would do, but what you would. Would you break up the family again because of his addictions? If you would, then I'd suggest not putting the kids through that again.
[/quote">
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Just FYI for ya'll......I did NOT dump my husband because of his addiction....in fact he left me right after our youngest daughter was born.......I made a commitment and I stood by it.....But oh so many times the kids and I were just annoyances in his life, he had better things to do, he was hung over, etc. Yes I realize this is all due to the addiction but it killed my love for him.......if I could get it back I would. Sorry, just had to add that, don't want you all thinking I'm as shallow as all that.
Thanks again,
Whiskey
Re: So now I have a question..... hudson: Whiskeygirl. Sorry to assume that you left him. Now that I think about it, I remember hearing that from you. I wasn't tryin' to dog on you or anything but from reading your comments here for some reason it sounded like you left him cause of his addiction. Anyway...my bad. :-[
Re: So now I have a question..... WhiskeyGirl: No worries blazin'..... :)
oh and um.....disregard nasty pm I already sent....sorry :-[ LOL
Re: So now I have a question..... Samarra: Hey WG,
This really is a tough one.....for YOU.
I understand your guilt about feeling "Do I have the right to want to move on with my life?" The answer is a resounding YES!
Speaking from years of experience....addiction is...at best...a complicted issue.
Your ex hasn't been clean that long to know what he's doing.
I've seen it before a thousand times. Too often during the recovery process...instead of dealing with their own issues....addicts will often reach out to someone else as a way of avoiding their own pain.
BIG mistake....HUGE! He needs to deal with is own sh*t before involving you....or the kids....who are number one priority now.
If you think this is better for your children to have their father back....it's not.
OK....let me clarify....yes....they do need him in their life...but right now.....this is better achieved seperately......you and him apart. He needs to work on his addiction.....I can guarantee you...if you took him back....he will start to slide back into those same old self-destructive behaviours.
The fact that you say you don't really feel love for him is important too.....don't turn your back on your feelings. We all fall out of love...for so many different reasons. Don't beat yourself up over it.....you have every right to your feelings.
Some times the feelings of love never do come back....it's no ones fault.
Move on with your life.....but of course be there for him if he needs it. No one said you had to let go completely.....just make sure you're happy too.
Good Luck hon.....this is a difficult road.
PM if you ever need to talk.
Re: So now I have a question..... WhiskeyGirl: Samarra, thank-you :) And you are absolutley right. He needs to be doing this for him....and not to try and win me back...or its not going to work anyway.
Thanks to all of you....I appreciate all your responses :) and I guess I already know the answer to my question.....I just needed to hear that I wasn't being selfish, etc. my kids are my first priority but realistically they are happy, they still have a mom AND dad who love them. I need to get over this feeling of guilt that I somehow failed them by not keeping the family together. ARGH! Just when ya thought it was smooth sailing eh? LOL
Thanks guys ;D
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