Re: So now I have a question..... in_search_of: I think that right now, you can be his friend and support his efforts in getting clean without being "with" him as a spouse or even a "girlfriend" he has made your life hell in the past because of this habit. And its a hard habit to kick. He deos not need that extra stress of making a marriage work with the stress of trying to get and stay clean. He is still going to have hurdles etc.
Work with him in whatever capacity you can to help him get clean even if its only for your kids' sake. He may not stay clean, etc. You don't need to drag yourself into that situation once again. Give it time to see what he can do. He has to prove that he can be clean and dependable for a while before you are going to have any chance of it feeling the same. Right now he is someone you don't really know. He is clean, and you have to learn to like and love that person if you are going to make it work. But he has to learn to like and love that person first.
My best wishes go out to him and you. Both of you have a hard road ahead of you as far as this goes!
Re: So now I have a question..... PiscesGoddess: Whiskey- You truly have to listen to your own heart and head on this one..the best thing your kids deserve? Is a happy mother..period. As we all know families are not always "a mom and dad and 2.5 kids" there are all kinds of definitions of family.
It is perfectly understandable if you no longer have feelings for this man..The term to little to late had to come from somewhere right? ::)
I dont think you can "force" yourself to feel anything..and you shouldnt have too.. If anything..if there is an iota in you that thinks there is ever a possibility that something might work..then do what Chey said date..other than that ..from what I have seen You are doing pretty well on your own ;)
Just my 2 cents sweetie!
Pisces
Re: So now I have a question..... BigRunner493: hey wg...
i think that because your feelings for him are not there anymore and if you feel that a reconciliation is just not what you want, then don't do it. don't do it for the kids....i've been there, they adjust, they learn to accept the situation. you've tried to make things work, so don't put that on your shoulders. he's taken a BIG step for HIMSELF! this is something that will help him in his life...and it's great that the kids will get to have a dad that has learned from his mistakes. your situation will keep getting better as he does and hopefully this means his relationship with the kids. don't think that the next step is to get back together.......but i'm sure he'll need your support through his recovery. hopefully he is not doing this to save the marriage, but to save his life.
hope all works out for the best,
br
Re: So now I have a question..... WhiskeyGirl: Wow you guys, thanks for all your responses, its very much appreciated :D
A bit more info....my ex and I have stayed fairly friendly, I mean there is no doubt that I will support him going through treatment etc. whether we are together or not....he is my kids dad and when it comes down to it, I'll always be there for him.
If I left the kids out of the equation.....I would not even consider going back. Basically what I guess I am asking is do I have that right? I mean a drug addiction is a pretty good reason for breaking apart my childrens family, now I wonder.....do I have the right to put myself first here and say...no, I don't want to get back with my ex and have our little nuclear family back together...just because I don't love him anymore? I've grown and changed in 2 yrs, I've learned so much and truely I do not want to go back to my ex. But is that fair??? I mean...I don't have my "reason" anymore. Its not like he beats me, or is a bad father, or anything at all....my only real complaint was the pills. If he does, in fact, stay clean, suddenly I feel I am the bad one keeping the family apart for selfish reasons.
I couldn't just date him....like I say, we are friends and unless I know in my heart that I am ready to give him 100% I can't say I will date him. Thats just dragging it out and hurting him even more. I know how I feel, it obviously shows.....the dating thing just wouldn't work :-\
ugh....I'll chew on this some more.......
Thanks again you guys :)
BR...thank you! sent this before I saw your post. Thats the other thing....I DO worry that he is just doing this do get me back so what happens if I say its not gonna happen, I feel responsible somehow, ya know? anyway...thanks for your post, alot of that is really how I feel :)
Re: So now I have a question..... Erin: Staying together or getting back together for the sake of the children is never a good idea.
If you really are thinking of giving it another shot, dating would be the route to go to even see if you could get those feelings back.
I can only imagine how conflicted that you feel!
You seem like a very strong person and have faith that whatever you do decide to do will be the right thing to do.
Good luck!
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