I ruined everything, and now I'm paying for it Beachchick: I was in love with my husband. He was in love with me. As much as he could. We met when I was VERY young. I had just completed college, and I was swept away. He was successful, a high level executive, and very powerful in his industry. Little did I know, I should have seen the signs. He bought my clothes for me, in what he wanted me to wear. Then he started to become more controlling. He wanted to know how much I weighed, to hang my weight on the fridge, so he could weigh me every morning. He ordered waitstaff to remove food or tell them under no circumstance was I allowed to have dessert. I was never allowed to visit him at work. EVER. I the nine years of being together, I was never invited to any of his Christmas parties, and I never met ANYONE from his job. I was only allowed to see his office after work hours when everone was gone. We were together for 9 years, and 4 of those were married. In that time, I met ONE friend of his. I put on about 30 pounds in 9 years. Part of me was depressed, because my husband gave me such a hard time, and also because we moved a lot. I was asked by him to give up my career, my family, and my friends, and move 3 thousand miles away. I did it because I loved him. People do things because they are married. It's called compromise. I'm an educated woman. I know right from wrong. However, I blew it.
I was lonley, since I didn't work. I was a stay at home wife, working for my husband. He would come honme everyday for lunch. Give me work to do, and then take it with him when I was done. I was happy to help him. He was my husband. However, after a while, it took a toll on me.
We had sex 5 times in 4 years. He said, everyman needs a trophy in bed, and I wasn't it. He wasn't attracted to me. I am 5'7" pretty, and full figured. I don't have to shop at the large size shops, but if I did who cares? He told me we couldn't have a family becaue he was afraid I would blow up and never get back to size. I longed for him to touch me. Every New Years Eve I wondered if I was going to get a kiss from my husband. A real one. Every year, I did not.
One night, while I was out with the one person I new in the city, I met someone else. He was everything I could possibly want, and the funny thing is, he wanted me. I had forgotten what that felt like. In a nutshell, he was married and it was wrong. We had sex 3 times, and one time I got pregnant. I told him, to get some advice, and in turn he gave me some money, to "take care of it". I did, because there wasn't room for a baby in my life, so I took the subway alone, and went through the entire horrible procedure ALONE. He dropped me like a bad habit. It was horrible. I tried to talk to him, to talk to someone. I didn't have any friends...I was sick...and this was by far the worst thing that ever happened. I befriended someone online (a platonic friend), who turned out to be an evil person. I shared my experience with him, and it turned out (I didn' t know this) he was gay, and his lover found my emails. So his lover SENT every single one of my emails, to MY boss and to my no ex husbands office.
Now, I'm in the middle of a divorce, trying to get back on my feet, lost EVERYTHING I had in the world, as I went to visit my family and my husband served me with divorce papers, so I have nothing....
The guy who helped me get INTO this mess, said, he wife found out about "part" of it, and he can't talk to me anymore. He wanted to save his marriage. I'm SO angry at him. Why did he get to keep his life, and mine turned to dirt? Why does he get to go on and get a second chance with his marriage, and mine is over? I admitted EVERYTHING to my husband. Told him the truth. It meant nothing to him.
My life is over....and I can't seem to pick myself up. I'm just so angry at myself, for being stupid, and angry at the "other" guy for getting everything he wants. My husband was a jerk, but no one deserves to have this happen to them.
Re: I ruined everything, and now I'm paying for it lost enigma: OMG!!!!
Huney first of all,
What you did with a married man, your judgement, is completely your choice, Right or wrong,
However the way yuor husband treated you!! That's repulusing. I cannot believe someone as smart as you would even tolerate it. He is scum. he drove you to look elsewhere for attention and love. For crying out loud, you're human. You're life is not over.
One day you will look at this as a blessing in disguise. I would be shattered if the person I loved, was more in love with my weight and dietary habits.
The online person. It happens it's true. However, it is a blessing that you are getting out of this divorce.
I know it seems bad right now, but it can only get better. He kept you so secluded so isolated. that is no way to live. You deserve better and you know it.
Re: I ruined everything, and now I'm paying for it missycristin: OMFG
First, let me say glad you are here, and keep posting!!!
My ex husband was very controlling as well, so I can symparthize with your tale. One thing that we as women are very good at is convincing ourselves that everything will be better if we're thinner, prettier, in better shape, etc. and it's just not true. Jennifer Aniston is almost perfect and Brad left her!
It sounds like you can lean on your family which is a really good thing.
You really needed a way out of the situation with your husband, and while this way was certainly not ideal, it is a means to an end, and sometimes that's the best you can do.
I have said my life is over many times on these boards, I'll probably say it tomorrow, but the key there is the tomorrow. There will be one for me and one for you. It ain't over kiddo!
Keep us posted!
M
Re: I ruined everything, and now I'm paying for it jadedangel: [color=navy"> Your not alone -- and you are right you don't deserve what your going through. First .. you didn't deserve to be treated like that from you exhusband ... and second, you don't deserve to feel like your life didn't matter -- it's a feeling that stings longer than it should.
I wish you luck .. in feeling better ... and finding something more ;)[/color">
Re: I ruined everything, and now I'm paying for it Feel: Regardless of what you did with the married man, I don't agree, I am a wife to a man who cheated.... but HUNNY I think your life is just starting.
You have not said anything good about your life from that post and this I beleive to be a blessing in disguise.
Let your hair hang down and leave that garbage behind... I wish you all ther best!
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