Re: I ruined everything, and now I'm paying for it hudson: Hi, welcome.
Along the lines of what Feel said...it's time to leave the past behind and move on.
Just make sure you can realize your mistakes and learn from them. Because you certainly don't want to repeat them.
You have to leave the exhusband behind and you have to leave the other man behind. They don't belong in your life anymore and it doesn't sound like they should've been there in the first place.
You know not to get involved with a man whose goal is to change you and make you into what he wants as your exhusband did, and you know not to fall in love with a married man again.
So, like the rest of us, you live and learn.
take care
Re: I ruined everything, and now I'm paying for it alfaromeo: [quote author=Beachchick link=topic=20049.msg185507#msg185507 date=1128805487">
I'm SO angry at him. Why did he get to keep his life, and mine turned to dirt? Why does he get to go on and get a second chance with his marriage, and mine is over? [/quote">
Those were the exact same words I was asking God not 10 minutes ago. I don't understand either, I don't understand how two people can be as equally wrong in what they're doing but it seems that only one has to pay for it. As long as I live I will never understand that.
I'm sorry I am of no help, I'm sorry that I can't say some magic words that would make you feel better. But just know that I know how you feel, you're not alone in this, I know how if feels to be treated like dirt. I know how it feel to try and try and only get shit thrown back at you, believe me I know and I am so sorry that you also know that pain. If I had the power I swear I would save any and everyone who has or is feeling the way I feel right now.
You don’t deserve what has happened to you; no one deserves to be hurt like that. No one deserves to go through anything like that … But you’ll be all right some way and some how you’ll be all right.
Re: I ruined everything, and now I'm paying for it getreal: WOW...what a horror story. The best thing you can do for yourself is to STAY free for a while, get your smart SELF together, and be carefull of those you let get close. HELLO....this is the beginning of YOU and the end of all of the CONTROLLING people you have given your heart to. Be glad for that ;D
Re: I ruined everything, and now I'm paying for it Samarra: Sweetie......you were an abused woman.
Your husbands treatment of you clearly shows this....he treated you like an object who's worth was found in the physical....which is total BS. because you could have been the most beautiful, desirable woman in the world....but his type needs control.....how better to get it than destroying your self-worth....regardless of what you looked like.
Abuse is set up to make us believe we deserve nothing less......the abuser slowly tears away every ounce of self-confidence until you're left wondering if in fact you are worthy of his attention. He needs to do this.....because he himself feels so undeserving of you....and is scared sh*tless that you'll discover his shortcomings....that you'll be the one to leave.
Thus the abuse.
Once we've been abused.....the pattern is already in place....he made you think you are so unlovable.....that you seek out ways to prove this....and set yourself up to fail. You look for love where it is sure to be rejected (the married man)
You DON'T deserve this....you are worth more.....you need to start understanding your true value. Once you realize this.....you're life is far from over.....it's actually just beginning with these a**holes now gone.....you'll be able to pick yourself up.....and rely on you....and not another man to show you who you are.
Keep posting.....it will help.
Re: I ruined everything, and now I'm paying for it flyaway: Wecome to Ojar, chick!
Listen, you are in the right place to find some insight and healing....and yes. you were abused.....you have endured some really intense pain and most of us here, though the circumstances may be different have been through it.
Please do not blame yourself......I understand and can feel the remorse in your post.....but it is in the past now. Try to get thru the present, and someday, God willing, you will have an eye to the future..... :)
Please post lots, cause that's what is going to help....trust me, I know....this site is a life saver!
Please take care of yourself,
Flyaway
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