Re:phone calls brynne: All over the place,
Could your X's be related ?? A long lost cousin perhaps...my X used to get SO MAD when I didn't answer my cell right away...when we were married I would be accused of being w/ another man if I didn't answer ! Funny he was the one that cheated...
Family was a whole other issue for us too. I think he resented my family b/c they were there for me & very support, they welcomed him from the very beginning. My dad took him along on family vacations - to Hawaii (before we were even engaged) and to St. John for my sister's wedding. My parents have done so much for BOTH of us but my X still thought my family was controlling...he couldn't understand that I enjoyed being around my family. He came from a broken family & he doesn't get along well w/ his mom.
In the beginning, he loved my family & it meant so much for him to finally have a "real" family to be a part of. But after we married, he began to resent them...there were many times I didn't go to family functions or we didn't stay long b/c I knew he didn't want to be there.
Family is a major issues in a marriage...I learned a lot & will be able to take those experiences to my future relationships. I think it's all about compromise...you really have to compromise when it comes to family.
Re:phone calls picadilly: My family is huge, I have a sister & two brothers, my mom is the second child of 8 & my dad is the first child of 5, while they are not all in my city, they are all over Canada, the States Europe & Asia. My wife has just her Parents & one aunt here, the rest are in Japan & she's an only child. My family is fairly loud, brash & fun to be around, her's were quiet, very opposite. Infact when it was just the 2 of us in our house, if I was too quiet & walked into the room she was in, she would jump up in suprise & shock.
So I understand what you mean. While I always told her that she was more important to me then my family & this was very true, I held her in higher regard, but my family was still important to me. They always seemed to get along fairly well & I like to think I got on well with her parents.
But after she left, she told me something. She told me that she felt uncomfortable at family dinners, that she didn't like the feeling that my parents were putting alot of pressure on her to become the second daughter they never had. huh? WTH does that mean? They simply wanted her to know they thought of her as their daughter - their youngest son's wife. My family loved her very much, infact, it felt at times that they loved her more then me. Which was fine with me, I wanted her to be a part of my family. Was there pressure? I don't know, I think everyone perceives pressure & stress differently, so while I don't think there was much, she thought there was. & ultimately, what she felt was more important.
Re:phone calls allovertheplace: thanks for all of the responses. it is good to know that family isn't only an issue with me and my marriage. it has always been a problem with us and i don't know if that would have ever changed.
i definitely realize that having similar family backgrounds or simply having someone that understands or really likes what my family has to offer is important .
i do believe that when you marry someone you marry their whole family and i think it is important to consider that. i loved his family, but i always knew that he didn't feel comfortable with mine. just like he thinks my expectations of him are too high, he thinks that theirs are too.
allovertheplace
