just wondering... moonshine: ok, so its been over a year since she left, and im doing good. but, im naturally a person who wants to know everything about a situation, and i tend to dwell alot.
i just have a question for all of you. im 25 years old, and to be honest, didnt have much experience with relationships before my fiance left, i was immature and ignorant...but i kept values and morals high.
she had been through alot of rocky relationships, and wasnt exactly making this one easier. she had lies she kept out, she was just too 'happy' to have someone who wasnt actually dumping her for once in her life, and it kind of made me feel annoyed at how clingy she was. anyhow, i initally ended the relationship when i found out about her extensive past, which im not blaming her for, but the fact she lied about it when i asked, stating she thought i would leave her. well i got mad as hell becuase it was about 13 more guys she was with then she had mentioned.
i left her a few times but always came back becuae she said she would promise to the be woman i wanted, which was just a secure girl who had control of her life, and to eventually be a good wife and mother to my children one day.
in our time together, becuaes of how obsessive she was, never once let me know she would ever leave me. the way she went about things, even though i wasnt an angel, was that she needed me and only me to even breath. I would have bet my life plus a trillion dollars that she would never leave me.
she used alot of tricks in the book to make sure i wouldnt leave her, to solidify things. anyways, time went on, and a man does get attached. she asked me to overlook her past mistakes and lies, i did my best to, and though i kind of got distant for a bit, i did love her, and i got very attached. i would have left her along time ago, but being stupid, i thought i actually offered this girl something. i thought that she had some qualities which i liked in a woman, and that she would eventually 'grow into' the role of being my wife, and that we would naturally just mature into a couple, because she told me that after you get married, things just 'change' naturally.
so anyways one day, after i got mad at her one day she told me she doesnt want to be with me.
the main thing is here, she did all that during our relationship to let me know she needed me, all of a sudden she said it was all a 'mistake' and she didnt even tell me she had ANOTHER man. :S:S:S:S
so not knowing there was someone else, i gave her time to think things over. and when i found out there was someone else i BLEW UP. i mean i LOST IT. the main reason i blew up was becuase i had given her chance after chance, but she couldnt even give me ONE chance to redeem myself for getting mad at HER for not coming through for promises SHE made me, and getting frustrated and mad at her for her lies.
i then threated everyone in her family for LYING to me even after i asked them. i threatened her FOR LYIN TO ME. i even threatened her new man who shes marrying.
Though im doing better, i cant seem to shake this feeling. im not too sure what it is, but im sure its the feeling of being upset of feeling USED and cheated. I feel confused sometimes, becuaes she threw at me that she was the one doing all the work (though her 'work' was just begging me no to levae her after i caught her doing stupid things)
right now, sometimes i think *i* might have done her wrong for constantly being frustrated at her, and even angry and distant. is it my fault though? i know it isnt, but i cant seem to shake the feeling of being used. i feel cheap.
so the final question, why do i feel so sh*tty sometimes? can someone who had enough time in their day to read this, give me some advice...possibly even let me know that im not totally wrong in this...:S
Re: just wondering... alonewith2: You keep mentioning all her faults, but that you had expected her to change and grow into the person you wanted her to be. Maybe she felt smothered or not good enough for you. Even if you don't verbally state these expectations to her, she may still have felt them.
It seems that the relationship wasn't very healthy for either one of you. If all she did was constantly lie, and all you did was wish she was something other than what she was....then there was no way this was going to work.
Just be happy that you two aren't still together and try to find someone who will meet your expectations without having to change any!!
Re: just wondering... lost enigma: I agree. You may not realise it now. That could not have been an ideal relationship.
You're going to be fine
Re: just wondering... moonshine: yeah youre right....
but the thing is, i let out my heart to this girl, i told her everything in it, things i never told anyone. i feel so cheap becuase of that.
it hurts that she made it out that i was the ONLY man in the world, and the fact that i didnt even get a chance to redeem myself for any mistake is what hurts, not the fact the girl left.
the fact she was more inclined to go to another man, and not even tell me, is what really really hurts. i can understand talking about it, theres no problem if you feel you have another person, but the fact she led me on for 6 months trying to find out what exactly was wrong and how i could improve myself.
i was always for both of us improving ourselves and being there when it counted most. i grew attached to her and really did miss her, and its the fact that everything chagnes in a split second when she has more options....that makes me regret falling for her crying, for her bs lines, for her suicide threats if i left, for her dramatic speeches, for her telling me she wanted my babies. a man doesnt hear every day from a woman telling him she wants his babies.
this was the first girl, and everything was my first with her. it just really is confusing how people are in this world. i was under the impression she would be there for me, and under the impression that people work things out on both sides, not just one. i can honestly say i did everything in my power to help her improve, becuaes believe me, she had issues. i didnt ask her to be anything she oculdnt be, she volunteerd for it. i asked her to be stable and secure....nothing that any normal man wouldnt wnat his wife to be. i didnt ask her to work, i didnt ask her to do anything other then be normal.
i guess the man always loses out, becuause all of a sudden in the eyes of everyone else, as soon as she starts crying, hes automatically the villain...
Re: just wondering... moonshine: ...well not in every case...just mine...
i tried explaining hte truth...but for some reason, noone seems to believe me.
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