Do you ever wonder? AloneandCold: So now that I am a year and a half from separation and eight months after my legal divorce and the actual issues that went with it. (Other then I room with the idiot right now). I am starting to wonder if a lot of the things he did were reactions to me. I mean they always say it takes two to tango, right? I was reading my original post (from when I was signed up before, sorry you won't find it by searching this handle, though I suppose if anyone cares I can find it and link it.) and everything seemed so one sided. Nothing is one sided, I truly believe that. So what is it I did? He won't say, never would.
I am starting to think I may have abandonment issues (kind of funny since I left him). Maybe they aren't abandonment issues as much as I will never be loved (fully) and once someone gets to know me well enough they won't like any more (experience confirms this). As soon as I let someone in enough the relationship might as well be over.
So now I am wondering what it was I did in my marriage. What was it that I contributed to making it miserable. What makes me different from the women that can not only catch someone's love but retain it. Not only retain it but inspire enough love from someone that they would do anything to be with me. I want to be worth fighting for, worth sticking it out for. I don't know what it is about me that makes me not worth it. Regardless of what it is experience teaches me that - for me at least - there is such a thing as love but not such a thing as enduring, fought for, worked through, true love.
And I don't know why.
Re: Do you ever wonder? starzluv: i wonder that all the time. what did i do to cause it to get this far. the one that comes up the most is his friends don't like to come around since i got here. well our friends in TX were always around me untill we got involved and then only some were there, and when we were in AZ. i had alot of friends that were always around till he moved down then they came by less and less. but when my friends stopped comming around as much it didn't bother me that much. he came before friends. i guess he didn't think the same way. so i always wonder what i did, but at the same time, know in some ways it is about him. he even said the old "it's not you it's me" line, and in my case i am starting to believe it is him.
Re: Do you ever wonder? bigblue: hello Bug:
You sound like me... I left my husband, but I still don't understand who left who. He told me that he had questions about our marriage, didn't want kids, didn't like our life and didn't think he couldn't live without me. Of course, this told me more than I wanted. but still he wouldn't leave, because he didn't like conflict. So I had to leave him. Most boyfriends I left... but I think I leave at a time when things are already over. maybe too late... maybe most of these men would have left me, if I let them go... see I have a way of "giving" too much from the beginning, so I can hang on.
Now, looking back, I should not even have a relationship with most of them to start with. but, because I bend too much to fit into the relationship, my relationships go on to the point they are dead. and I feel the same way, why can't I keep a man's love?
I bought this tape called Light His Fire.. yes, there are many mistakes that I make... but also my ex's made lots of mistakes too...
Also, I have always been a little more mature than my age group. I started working earlier, had a great career and my life is very together. most of bf's, and husband included still didn't know what to do in life. maybe I am attracted to these types, maybe I create a mother-son relationship...
anyway, this is a good time for me to think... If my husband said "let's not break up" I wouldn't..
I am wondering, after you left did you husband call you? if so when? also why did you leave him?
Re: Do you ever wonder? AloneandCold: Actually since he had someone to chase he didn't ask to make it work till DEC when he figured out it wouldn't work out with the girl he was "in love with"
And as for why I left him.
http://ojar.com/boards/index.php/topic,4455.0.html
:) Lots of reasons. I have to warn you its long.
Re: Do you ever wonder? AloneandCold: Oh and for those of you who read that. I am doing okay now. ;) :)
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