Re: being stupid again in_search_of: If he is going to be staying at your house watching the kids, what if you give him a password to the computer that you don't know, so that you can not look at what he has done while he was there. And then you can also have one for you, and he can't see what you are doing.
As far as why he can do it, because you care. Period. It is easiest to be hurt by the people that we care about.
Re: being stupid again alonewith2: You know, sometimes it's better to know so that you don't do something even more stupid like believe all their lies again!!!
I was looking at the online dating thread posted on here. I've heard the Myspace.com thing come up so many times. I've heard of it, but mostly the bands use it around here. I didn't know it was almost a dating site.
So yes, I looked it up...did a search of my area....and guess who I find?!!
Yeah, my STBX!!! He signed up on Sept. 30. Last logged in TODAY!! Says he's single.....and I quote, "I'm mainly interested in talking to girls, but if any guys out there want to talk about sports or music then that's cool, too"
He keeps mentioning his daughter and how he's soooooo into being a parent....a proud parent he keeps calling himself!! F*ck that BS!!!
He doesn't even mention the fact that he's still married!!! Or separated or anything!!
I am sooooooooooooo glad that I didn't start believing any of his BS lines of still loving me and just wanting to get his life back on track where it needs to be to win me back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm no longer playing the nice separated wife anymore. I'm so sick of his lies!!! I think it's no contact unless it's about our daughter....
yeah, proud father my butt! He didn't call once to see how his daughter was doing when she was sick for 3 days! Didn't call to see how her doctor's appt went. Whatever. Imagine that...using his daughter to pick up chicks.....
Re: being stupid again alonewith2: I've decided that I have no right to give out advice to others when I have no idea what I'm doing myself. I've been fooling myself for too long into thinking that I have it all down....that I know what to do....and now I feel that I've fooled everyone else, too.
The plain and simple truth is that it hurts.....a lot!! You give your heart to someone thinking that it will be for a lifetime of ups and downs, but that somehow you will get through it....together. Then he/she just breaks it into a million little peices. Yes some do it better than others, but the effect is still the same. And no matter how hard you try to make it through with some dignity left in tact, there are still those out there that aren't satisfied until every little piece of you is left lying shattered on the ground in their wake.
I truely loved my husband. I didn't like how he cheated on me, but I cared about him. I tried to look past what he did and just focus on why he did it. I tried to understand him and support him still with whatever it was that was making him choose that path instead of working through his problems with me. I was willing to forgive and move past it. I took him back when he said he was ready to try again.....just to see that he wasn't. He cheated on me again.
I was so ready to walk away this time. I even went out on a couple of dates, but I couldn't get him out of my head. Funny how we still care about those that are most harmful to us. I offered my friendship and support again to him. It hurt me more to do nothing and watch him shrivel up and die again. Why is it that we still try to put our best foot forward? I have no idea to the answer, but for the fact that I refuse to be a cold-hearted person....it's not in my personality and I just don't want it ever to be.
He starts suggesting that we try to make things work again. Take it slower. Work on our "issues". Lay the groundwork for something new, better, etc than before. I agree......still not sure HOW to go about it, but willing to see what he has in mind. Basically, I stopped dating.....just sat around and waited for something....but not really putting my whole heart out there to get stomped on again...
Maybe that is where I went wrong, maybe it isn't. All I know is that his intentions just seem to be a cover up for more time to go about his ...uh...."sex" life....without having me in the way...without having to lose me. I've always said that if it wasn't for the cheating...I still would want to live the rest of my life with him as my husband. WE really are best friends. If we only think of ourselves as friends...we can get along so great.
So I have no answers for anyone....I thought I knew, but I guess I've just been fooled by own thinking. All I'm left with is that you never really know someone.....even when you think you do, they will still suprise you. All you can hope for is that it will be a good suprise! And others...well they just suck!!
Re: being stupid again unhappy: [color=red"> We talk every single day. He's my best friend. It's hard to really explain our relationship...I've tried in the past, but it just never comes out right.[/color"> '
he might be your best friend but are you his?
* i hope you can find some type of peace. you deserve a person a best friend that will love you and only you. someone that treats you will respect.
Re: being stupid again Erin: AW2!!!
Firstly girl ((((BIG HUGS!!!))))
I am sorry that you are having such a crappy week...
Sweetie, none of us have any right to give advice. None of us are relationship experts or we wouldn't be here. You have simply tried your best to make all of us confused, emotional trainwrecks find some clarity in all of the chaos. Just knowing that you are there is enough. No one has all the answers. No one expects you to have all of the answers either.
You have not been fooling anyone. It is very clear that you are a strong woman who has made it through a lot of crap in her life and is still standing. You are taking what you have learned and putting it out there for all of us to relate to. You are only human.
It is very clear that you are a trusting and loving person and the only thing that you may have done 'wrong' is believe that your stbx was the same way. Even then I don't think that is wrong. You are not the type of person to expect the worse in anyone. All you did is treat him and expect from him what you do with everyone in your life. You did not make him do what he is doing. You do not deserve that.
You loved the guy. There is nothing wrong with that. You got a beautiful daughter out of the relationship. Of course it is still going to hurt. I'd think that there was something wrong with you if you said that it has stopped hurting and won't anymore.
(((BIG HUGS!!!)))
PM me or yahoo me anytime...
