No contact, no change... Erin: OK,
So I'm on day 3 of this no contact thing and yes I do feel a little more emotionally solid. But at the same time, no change of heart. I still really do feel like this is a big misunderstanding and that this is not the right thing to be happening. I do firmly believe that he is making a big mistake in walking away.
I still feel like I have so much to say to him. How long do I let this no contact go on for? Do I wait for him to contact me? Or is this just something that will come clear to me in time?
Re: No contact, no change... TinaR: Spinning,
Like you, I fully believe in my heart that my STBXH is making the biggest mistake of his life and he will regret it one day. I know in my heart that I have done everything that I can do and I will walk away with my head held high and my heart breaking. I keep telling myself that I deserve better than he can or has given me and I hope to someday find that. You too deserve to be treated with unconditional love and understanding and maybe he is not the right person to give it to you.
It is very hard for me not to contact my STBXH also, I miss his terribly. It's the little things that are so hard for me. Try to stay strong and IM or PM me anytime.
Tina
Re: No contact, no change... BigRunner493: hey sc..
i didn't have a choice with the "no contact" excercise since the ex and i have kids, but i'll try and maybe offer my viewpoint on this.
i think the point behind the no contact excercise is not to change your mind, but to self-validate the feelings you are having right now. i guess it's a test to see if you are being driven by emotions or what you feel you need to tell him is "real" and not just an outlet of anger or hostility. clear your head and if in a week or two, maybe you will still have feelings of wanting to talk with him and share your thoughts, but you might also at the end of a week or two be indifferent about it. i guess you have to ask yourself the famous questions:
1. what do i expect out of contacting him?
2. can i handle it if i don't get the responses i'm hoping for?
maybe then you'll answer your questions by yourself.
tc,
br
Re: No contact, no change... shockedandamazed: Hi Spinning!
My husband left me and I did call many times during the first week, but he never returned my calls....so I refused to call him....it was four weeks before I heard from him..I would sit on the front step during those four weeks wondering when he was coming by or what he was doing or what he was thinking. For god sake, he only had one bag of clothes on him and no jacket and we live in Colorado and the weather is changing....can you believe I was worried about whether or not he was cold?
But, in those four weeks, it allowed me to vent, scream and cry about him without him knowing. It allowed me to think about a life without him in it. By the end of the four weeks, I never wanted to hear or see from him again...but of course, he needs his things, so now I have to deal with him again. He is just all about getting his stuff and making sure everything gets taken care of. I must say he is being rather nice...but at no point have I ever received an explanation or an apology from him....bet I never will.
Hold strong, girl....it is hard, sometimes it still feels sooo surreal...like I am dreaming, but it will also give you confidence and pride!
Re: No contact, no change... Erin: It is giving me confidence and an opportunity to validate my feelings. What I feel that I need to tell him isn't anger or hostility, it is from a place of rational thoughts.
I guess you are right BR in that time will tell me if this is something that I still need to share. At the same time I am absolutely terrified that in not contacting him he'll move on and forget about me...
I am not sure that in contacting him how I will be able to handle his response. I guess that is what I need this time to come to grips with and prepare myself for.
This is just so hard. Right now I really do feel like this is surreal and a big misunderstanding and mistake. There is no other person, we were not big fighters. It's still quite shocking in so many ways.
Sigh. This is just so hard.
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