Re: No contact, no change... fiona: You're in the shock/denial stage. I believe in the book "it's called a breakup 'caus it's broken" I think they said 60 days you need of NC to have rational thoughts.
Re: No contact, no change... shockedandamazed: Spinning- I have kept up with your posts and you have really been through alot. It must be hard for you to go through all of this without the person you are used to confiding in. That was what was hardest for me, I used to run home to tell him about a new procedure I had learned in school...now I come home to an empty home and am greeted by my two four legged children...there is nobody to listen to my day any longer.
Seek OJAR when you can, I know it's not the same...I call my mother to tell her my day now...she was always so excited to hear about the stuff in my life and that part of my life has not changed.
Hang in there....I know it is tough, but you are tougher.
Re: No contact, no change... bigblue: Spinning:
if you chase a man that is pulling away and don't want to be with you, he will think you are weak and dependent. And now you don't need his pity...
I am sure one day you can talk to him about things.
I am on 10th day, it is killing me, but I am somewhat over the "denial" stage. now it is kind of sinking that this might be the end.
Also, please keep in mind, you will be fighting your own demons during this time. All your fears irrationally will attack you. Only a few might really have to do with the break up, most is our fears from childhood... just see this as a "growth" opportunity. if you can cope with this pain, you will become a better person. if your husband really wants you he will come back. If he doesn't come back, or call, don't call him...
there are so many men on this forum. their wives leave them and they still call... so he knows your number and he will call when he wants to.
be strong.
Re: No contact, no change... Mart: Hi Spinning,
I am also trying to not have any contact with the ex. Its been 2 days. Its a long weekend and we would usually go off somewhere to do some hiking he and I. I really want to call him to see if he wants to go hike just outside the City this afternoon, but I won' t do it. I just woke up from another nightmare (i.e. him leaving me). I will not call him because everytime I see him, the nightmares are worse for a few days. I am having major difficulties not contacting him but it is better for my well being.
Walking away....is his mistake to make, not yours. Give him some time. There is no rule as to how long it should be. Some told me at least one month. I am trying one week and will then see if I can do more.
I know it is hard. You can do it. PM me if you want; we could do this NC together.
Mart
Re: No contact, no change... Erin: Thanks y'all.
This really is hard. Especially with it being the Thanksgiving long weekend. We would always have dinner at my parents and my mom would make him a special desert...If he is eating turkey somewhere tonight I hope it tastes like crap!
This is the 2nd family gathering that has occured since the split and I'm not looking forward to it. It's just really hard to put up a strong front infront of all of my family.
Big blue--my fears are hitting me left right and center today. Thought they went away for a while but they are right back.
Mart-- I'm right with you on the nightmares...It's been just over 2 months for me and I have yet to sleep through the night where I haven't woken up from a nightmare.
He is wanting to come and get the remainder of his belongings from the garage this week, as well there is a bill that he needs to give me money for. Some contact will have to occur with that. I wish I could avoid it but well, that's not an option...Hopefully I'll have a lot more solid ground to stand on when it does happen!
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