Was supposed to be in Cousins Wedding...Anyone felt like this before? Macaw_Lover: Ok this sounds silly, selfish and trust me nothing that I haven't already been thinking, but here it goes.
My cousin is 8 days older than me so growing up we were always so close, spent most of our childhood together even though she lived 2 1/2 hours north we spent almost every weekend with one another. Well like most little girls we would talk about our weddings. We didn't talk to much about who we would marry or how it would be, but we always promised one another that we would be in each others weddings because we both meant so much to one another we couldn't imagine getting married without the other in the wedding. We didn't just talk about this as kids, but even as teens and so on. We are both now 25 yrs old and a few months ago my cousin announced that she is getting married to her bf. Me and her bf who she has been with for umm I think 5 yrs didn't hit it off to well. The first time he met me even though I was only wearing a flower sundress said "who hired the hooker". Anyways I always told my cousin if he makes HER happy and treats her good then I'm happy for her. Anyways she said she was having a small wedding and well I figured that it would be me and her bestfriend that would be in her small wedding party. Well turns out it will only be her bestfriend and not me. This weekend it was her bridal shower and when I got there her bestfriend, her fiancee' mom and then 2 other strange girls(well one I know, but there not close)were sitting up at the "head" table they had created as they were opening gifts. Well I was unsociable and sat off at the end on the side. I'm a person that has a very difficult time putting on a smile when i'm sad/unhappy. I felt so hurt that I wasn't a part of that even. I mean I guess I was hoping that WHILE I was up there maybe she would "ask me" in person to be a part of her wedding. But it never happend, later at her house she was saying how they are only having one person each stand up for them. I feel so selfish and self serving than I ever have. I know this isn't MY wedding and it's about her and I kept telling myself that. But it hurt and I feel left out and this just isn't what I invisioned at all :( Why do I feel this way?? Am I just this horrible selfish person. I never thought of myself as this, but I didn't think this would hit me so hard that I would get tears in my eyes at the shower of course I was out alone talking to another cousin of mine(by marriage). She said that she of course wasn't there our whole lives, but when she did come into our lives me and my cousin were inseparatable. She said I should talk to my cousin about this, but I don't want to do this because well again I do know it's her day and I don't want to ruin that for her. What kind of person would I be if I cried to her that I was sad I wasn't a part of her wedding?? Besides even if I were I don't want to be put in the wedding out of pity. Why why why do I feel these feelings? Please has anyone felt this way before?
