Re:I'm in over my head...... brynne: One more thing...
When you heart starts to feel heavy & you start to even THINK about taking him back...play back those hurtful words he said to you, remember the phone conversation you overheard w/ "her", write down ALL the lies you can recall that he's told & post them on the refrigerator if you have to. ANYTHING to make you remember that is really the person your H is & how bad he can make you feel & that you don't ever want to feel like that again.
good luck,
Hope
Re:I'm in over my head...... picadilly: Spectrum,
You have to remember one thing. Will you ever feel like you can trust him again? From everything you have posted, that answer is No!
You said he told some lies to you before you got married. You said that he hit you once before. You said that he "made out" with a woman at his class reunion while you were dating & told you he wasn't. He tells the OW that he's leaving you for her then turns around & tells you that he's lying to her to shut her up? Who is really being lied to?
This all points to someone that is no good for you physically, emotionally & mentally. You deserve better then this. Once a cheater, always a cheater, atleast in his case. Sorry if I'm sounding harsh but I get really angry with men that hit woman.
Remember that even if his parents really do support him, that his telling you makes it questionable, since it's coming from a consumate liar.
Remember also that his affair is the straw that broke the camels back, so to speak. Even if you were having some problems prior to his affair, no one held a gun to his head to start this affair.
Question: maybe I missed it, but do you know how he met this woman? If she lives outside of your state/city, how did he meet her? Something to think about, to meet someone outside of your normal area, usually involves some active participation on his part.
Ok, I'm done. Sorry for going off like that. I want you to know that you do deserve more, that there are men out there that are loyal, caring people. I think most of us men on this site are prime examples. So, know that we're young enough that there will be a second chance. Just take the time for yourself, know yourself, be happy by yourself. Then you will know you're ready for a new relationship.
Take care, be strong. My thoughts are with you today.
Re:I'm in over my head...... wakepner: Spectrum,
I really just have to echo what so many other people have said above. First, you need to seek help for yourself. You need to figure out why you are even considering going back to someone who has treated your horribly. I also think you need to spend some time with no contact with him. This is something that helped me. No conversations, no meetings, no emails - basicially nothing! Learn to live with yourself and you will learn you can live without this person. There is no reason that you should be stuck with this person for the rest of your life! Sorry...harsh, I know...but you need to take charge of your own life. Best of luck!
Re:I'm in over my head...... Spectrum: [quote author=picadilly link=board=1;threadid=2011;start=0#msg17716 date=1075765626">
Question: maybe I missed it, but do you know how he met this woman? If she lives outside of your state/city, how did he meet her? Something to think about, to meet someone outside of your normal area, usually involves some active participation on his part.
[/quote">
I didn't really mention much about how my husband met this woman, because to do so would potentially reveal our identities, as he is in a particular position where at least a few thousand people around the country (hmm... anywhere from 5,000 to 20,000) would know exactly who he was if they heard what his job is.
I'll sum it up by saying he is away from home 6 days per week for 6 months of the year for his job, and the other woman was in a work position where she interacted with my husband on a daily basis. She took advantage of this at first by passing him cute notes, then started to insinuate herself into his life some more by utilizing the services of the business he works for (my family's business, no less) and things went from there.
:-X ::)
On a different subject....
I have never been a religious person, but one thing has continually crossed my mind throughout this whole thing. I think God is watching over me, and on some level, is smoothing the way for me as much as possible.
I was in a bad marriage, trying to fix it. I'd already decided to stick things out for at least another year or two before giving up, and I was concentrating a lot of energy on trying to fix something that was not going to be fixed. And even if things hadn't improved, I doubt whether I would have had the strength to leave- look at how hard it is now, and I have a concrete reason to leave.
I think maybe God looked at me and said, "This is going to hurt, but this is the kick you need. I have better things planned for you." And since this thing has started, everything has fallen into place. My husband left with his mistress, giving me the chance to move out cleanly and much more peacefully than would have happened otherwise. When I tried to take an unhealthy road by wishing this woman luck with my husband when it killed me to do it, the door was opened to show me who she really was. When I thought I would use that to get more information that would have just made me miserable, someone else unintentionally stepped in and blocked off that avenue. When I felt miserable and like I couldn't go another step, I looked up in the middle of winter and saw a rainbow in a completely clear, dry sky.
Perhaps I'm just latching onto nothing, but I've spent alot of time lately thanking God for giving me the strength to deal with this. And that is saying alot, because I'm not a church-goer, I have ambivalent feelings about most organized religion, and I am not a person who prays. But I've been praying lately, and strangely enough, most of my prayers have been thank-you's.
Perhaps it is fate, or karma, or whatever. But I keep having this funny feeling that as long as I stay true to myself, and honest, and empathetic towards others, things will continue to fall into place for me.
And I think that it would be the same way for alot of people on this board. If you stay true to yourself, and honest, and try to do the right thing, fate will step in and give you the helpful push you need. It might be the kind of push that feels like an electric shock, but eventually you'll look back and say, "Hey, initially that REALLY sucked, but boy am I glad that I got that push."
Spectrum.
Re:I'm in over my head...... mv2: Spectrum - you don't have to be religious to appreciate what you are saying - makes perfectly good sense to me - the other day a relative of mine said you are probably just so happy now when you think of the alternative - being with such a cheating and selfish person. I couldn't have agreed more....
Remember, the best is ahead!
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