Re:I'm in over my head...... Brian75034: Spectrum,
It sounds like you know what needs to be done and have started in the right direction. You sounds like you just need support and guideance going down that (new) road.
I would suggest counseling on your own. It helped me out tremendously when I didnt know up from down, left from right, and advice coming from all directions.
Hang in there!
B
Re:I'm in over my head...... brynne: Ahh...Spectrum,
You are going thru the most difficult situation in a divorce. I know, I've been there. I know how you feel inside...horrible...you keep thinking you'll wake up from this terrible nightmare. Your self esteem is wounded, you miss the "good" things & time w/ your husband & you'd do anything in the world to have that back right now. You WANT to belive he doesn't care about her & will not cheat again, you want to believe that so badly...but you know deep down inside you know that isn't true.
I wish there was a magic pill we could take to make it hurt less, but unfortunately in order to heal & move on you must go thru the emotions of divorce, every last one of them. It is a horrible thing to live thru but I promise you will feel better slowly but surely. I am 1 month post divorce & I lived thru a lying, cheating spouse & I felt all those emotions too. He had been seeing her for 5 months when I found out. There were signs there for me too but I chose to explain them away. I didn't want to see the truth, but now I can say I am so glad I figured out his game, I called his bluff...divorced his a** & got the house. I told his entire family & friends what he'd done to me. He even lied to his family about why we were divorcing. But most importantly, I got him out of my life so I can move on.
That is my advice to you too, divorce him b/f he tries to brain wash you into taking him back. It is hard, but you have to make the best of the situation you have been put in.
Hope
Re:I'm in over my head...... mv2: Spectrum -
It's true, there are men out there who will treat you much better - I have found the same thing about a very special woman since divorcing my ex-wife, who sounds a lot like your husband.
This will be a time of decision for you, and counseling will help you sort through many of the conflicting emotions. You will be angry, sad, missing him and wanting him, all in the space of five minutes. So it is important to
realize that YOU are the most important person in your life. Take good care of yourself and treat yourself well, and the answers will come. "The comforts of home" will be there for you again - with or without your husband. Infidelity is a tough thing to reconcile - it can be done but only if the cheating spouse is willing to do what it takes to put back together what they have broken.
In short, make sure you are getting, and will get, the love and respect that you DESERVE!
My thoughts and prayers will be with you...
Re:I'm in over my head...... Spectrum: I felt so much more sure of myself a week ago.
Now my STBX has turned on the charm, and really wants me back. And we've had these big discussions about what we both did wrong in our marriage, that caused the breakdown to start, prior to the cheating. Then there is the obvious, his affair. And he is saying, "Well, since we know what we needed to do before to fix it, why can't we just do it now?"
He says he doesn't want anything to do with his other woman, and that everything he told her about leaving me was a lie because it was easier for him to tell her than to deal with getting rid of her.
It makes me feel like I am the bad wife because I'm not giving him a chance. I feel miserable.
Then I remember how affectionate he was towards her on the phone just a few weeks ago, and that I finally got him to admit (by threating to call witnesses and get the real scoop) that he made out with a woman at his class reunion way back when we were dating, which I've always strongly suspected, but had decided to take his word that he didn't. And how MEAN he was to me the last weekend before his final trip to the lake house with her, when I made my last desperate attempt to remind him that I loved him, hoping he'd confess.
I can't be around him any more!!! Every time I am, I forget all these bad things he has done, and I only remember the bad things I've done. He is so good at making me believe our relationship was in its death throes, and that this 6 month affair was a tiny little thing in comparison.
And he also tells me his parents think I'm being manipulative, and that all my angst towards his other woman is because I'm trying to hurt him. And of course, when he tells me this, he explains how he told his parents that they were wrong, and defends me to them. And I just eat this stuff up. Am I really that stupid?? I think I am! :o ???
I think you are all right. I need to go into counseling.
Spectrum.
Re:I'm in over my head...... mv2: Spectrum -
Counseling will definitely help. It's very common for a cheating spouse to rationalize their actions in a thousand ways - what better way than to blame the victim? If you fall into the trap of believing it, it can really mess up your head.
Remember the best is still ahead...
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