Re:Slings and arrows Spectrum: I think there is probably a happy medium between looking behind and rushing forwards. Your life is continuing to move forward regardless of whether or not you are choosing to do so. You need to keep an eye on the future while you are trying to deal with the past. Also, don't confuse obsessing over the past with actually dealing with it.
If I had to venture a guess, I'd say that the insomnia and pacing are signs of what I mentioned above- your grief is leaking out into your life in ways that you are not intending, because you are not allowing yourself to just grieve.
There is something (perhaps alot of things) that you aren't allowing yourself to face in this whole thing, and it is going to continue eating away at you until you allow yourself to deal with it. You kept it pretty well bottled up until the divorce was final, and now it has turned into a huge monkey on your back. At some point you need to decide who is in charge- you or the monkey.
Spectrum.
Re:Slings and arrows bit pusher: [quote author=Spectrum link=board=1;threadid=2014;start=0#msg17712 date=1075758906">
I think there is probably a happy medium between looking behind and rushing forwards. Your life is continuing to move forward regardless of whether or not you are choosing to do so. You need to keep an eye on the future while you are trying to deal with the past. [/quote">
Yeah, the elusive happy medium. I've always had problems finding that ... all or nothing ;)
Re:Slings and arrows Spectrum: And hey, it doesn't even necessarily need to be a "happy" medium. Any type of medium will do!! :-*
Spectrum.
Re:Slings and arrows wolly1234: Amen brother. 7 months, I was a rock. Then,,wham!. I know drinking is bad, problems will return in the morning, but sometimes that is good enough. I am going to need some pro help, myself. Never put much stock in it, but here I am, huh? I am smart. Funny how that doesn't seem to help much. Actually, I think it is a detriment. My stupid stbx seems to be merrily rolling along with her boyfriend, who obviously must not be too smart. Ignorance is bliss? I actually had a dream about some other anonymous woman last night. 1st time in a week I halfway slept. Couldn't even see her face. Maybe it's better that way. Maybe it's a start. I'll try it again tonight, see if it works, and let you know.
Re:Slings and arrows barelybreathing: There is nothing quite so scary but to take a good long hard look in the mirror and examine every corner of your inner self.
But it can be quite liberating. Only real wisdom can be gained from such trials. If the participant is open to gain that wisdom. Alcohol will not allow for any wisdom or insight to be penetrated to the soul that is for sure. But you know that bitpusher.
Funny, it is a daily struggle for me. One day strong and determined, the next day weak and hesitant. Its quite tiring really. But I remind myself that its part of the healing process.
There is closure with death. There is not with divorce. It is haunting. The failure. The questions. The what if's. All the memories. And it comes at you in different directions. A dream. A memory. A song. A picture. Today, it was a memory for me. I remember when he dropped by my office, and brought me an unexpected gift. A just because ind of gift. The bestkind really. A beautiful opal pendant. I squealed. It was a magnificent piece. Brilliant smoky color. I get more compliments on it. I have not worn it in such a long time. Deliberately I am sure. I want to wear it again.
Okay a bit of a digression there, but yes bitpusher, we all will never ever really get over a divorce. It stays within us forever. The key is to evolve, accept and move forward with wisdom and insight.....
BB
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