i am making myself sick allovertheplace: so this weekend i moved out of my parent's house (where i have been staying for two months) and into an apartment with my cousin. and i am having really mixed feelings about it. i am terrified. i have slept there for two nights and i just keep tossing and turning. i guess staying at my parents' house just made the divorce or separation seem so impermanent, because we had separated before (but only for a few days) and i had stayed there and then gone back. but moving makes this situation so real. actually the whole day i was on the verge of tears. i am at the point right now where if anything happens to shake up my world it makes me want to go back to my H. as unstable as the situation was, at least i knew what i was dealing with. it is just familiar and so it feels like it would be comfortable and safe. i need to find a comfort space of my own, but i just don't have one right now.
anyway, so during the day while i am moving i get a call from my H asking me to attend a mardi gras ball that night with him. needless to say, i am stunned. the last phone conversation i had with him he yelled "f**k you' before hanging up the phone. so i am thinking "is this a joke?" but he was very sincere and said just to think of it as a date. so i thought about it, and i decided not to go. i just don't think that it would have been a good idea. i know that it was in some way an attempt at reconciliation. he said that he thought that if we could go out and have a good time and get along that we would realize that we still love each other and want to work things out. but that is not my problem, i know that i still love him. i just don't know if i can live with him/be married to him. whether or not i loved him and whether or not we would have a good time together at a mardi gras ball were never questions for me.
i just thought that it would make it worse if i went and we had a good time, because then i would end up back at square one. of course, he did not like to be rejected or refused and then proceeded to insult me and yell at me. go figure. i know that he was trying but going to a mardi gras ball isn't going to solve our problems. it is like he is making attempts but just not the right ones. and if he would have been drinking and i didn't respond to him the way he wanted we may have fought and ended up in a very uncomfortable situation.
so after my emotionally draining weekend i woke up on sunday morning with a fever and a headcold. so not only have i stressed myself out, i have gone and made myself sick. this is crazy. when will it end? i still haven't heard from him and am nervous about when i do, because i am sure he will call again. should i just stop answering the phone? it is so hard, because i want to talk to him, but it just makes me sick and upset.
allovertheplace
Re:i am making myself sick picadilly: Allover,
wow, From reading your other posts before, I know you never had it easy in your marriage. But I'm sorry to have to say this but you stbx husband is a real "winner". He maybe a bit too emotionally unstable right now to even try reconcilliation right now.
He calls you to ask you on a date, then curses you out when you tell him it's probably not a good idea. That in no way should endear him to you at the moment. If he would think rationally for a minute, he would know that being polite & rolling with the punches to try another day would probably work better then threatening you... then calling you up the next week asking for another date.
Maybe think about getting call display on your phone so you can screen you calls. I don't mean for you never to talk to him again, but maybe give yourself some time away from his voice.
You deserve to be treated better then he's done so far. Hang the phone up if he starts to swear at you, that is your right.
Take care of yourself.
Re:i am making myself sick Shocked: Allover-
I empathize with your health problems. Stress can be such a huge impact on our physical health and once you get sick, it is hard to get that immune system back online.
In the two weeks following my wife's request for a divorce, I got a kidney stone (probably unrelated, but who knows) and the flu. Was finally on the mend and caught a viscious cold. ARGH!
Take a multi, drink your OJ and try to get lots of sleep! You deserve lots o' TLC!
