Re: Sexual attraction to the Ex. sheydp: I think the answer about finding others that have some form of attraction for you will really help. It is hard, when the nights get long, not to think about who used be able to help you out with that "little itch". If you can get to a point where you realize others are also attractive, that attraction doesn't have to mean you want anything from someone (not even that itch scratched) you will have an easier time not focusing on the ex.
I am not saying go sleep with someone else... just let yourself be attracted - and NOTICE that attraction. Smile at people, see the look in their eyes... Flirt online (I know you know how to - but let it out more!) Until you realize she isn't the ONLY thing that can affect you that way. Waking up, dear, that is what you need to do.
(((((((((HUGS)))))))))))
Shey
Re: Sexual attraction to the Ex. brokenman: Well, thank you all for your replies. I am happy that no one can really relate to this problem. Trust me, it isn't an enjoyable position to be in. I've been through the hate, disgust, anger, pity, loathing, and so much more. Now I find myself in a state of limbo after all of that has played out. And what is left after all of that is one simple fact that I have been running from since I was betrayed. I loved her. And in admitting that, I have to acknowledge that what we shared was meaningful.
It was meaningful to me. At worst, it ended up being meaningless to her. At best, she found something else that was more meaningful. In any event, what I shared in that relationship cannot be so easily cast aside. It can be buried by anger, hate, and all of that, but it cannot be denied. And how do I balance that inequity?
Do I convince myself that it should not have been so meaningful? I think not. In my thinking, if you are going to have sex without meaning then you might as well stock up on paper towels. So if it is to remain meaningful, then how do you put it away? I guess you just do. It's over, move on.
So in the end, I think I discover that this isn't a sexuality issue at all. It's just magnified and made obvious in light of it. I cling to something I cannot have because it has turned into something I do not want. But to let go.... for what?
Re: Sexual attraction to the Ex. AloneandCold: [quote author=brokenman link=topic=20525.msg191099#msg191099 date=1129832500">
But to let go.... for what?
[/quote">
You let go for yourself. You let go because not letting go means holding on. Your not ready to move on. Well letting go doesn't have to be moving on. Think of it more about letting yourself be where you are instead of where you used to be.
"In any event, what I shared in that relationship cannot be so easily cast aside. It can be buried by anger, hate, and all of that, but it cannot be denied. And how do I balance that inequity?"
You can't really balance it, you just have to accept it. What you had was meaningful to you. What went on in her mind is really not the point any more. You can acknowledge it meant something and at the same time acknowledge that what that something was is now dead. The present does not negate the past. You can accept that it was what it was at the time. Now it needs to be put away.
" I cling to something I cannot have because it has turned into something I do not want."
It's the ultimate disillusion isn't it? Maybe you cling to the past because letting go means opening yourself up to the possibility of deluding yourself?
Just my sleepy opinion. Not even sure it makes sense.
<Snap>
Re: Sexual attraction to the Ex. alonewith2: It makes perfect sense, Bug! I was going to attempt to write something similar, but couldn't find the right words.
I do know how you feel, brokenman. I keep telling myself that what my STBX and I had (before the cheating) was the perfect relationship. I loved the way we were together and I still, to this day, consider him the man I would want to spend the rest of my life with. The problem is that things have changed. I am no more the woman I was when I met him, than he is the man that I first met.
People grow....sometimes together; sometimes apart. We can beat ourselves up a million times over asking the dreaded "why," but sometimes there isn't a reason. Sometimes, it just is....
No one is asking you to forget what you shared with her or to play it off as not meaningful. You are right, it was meaningful......but now it is over. Take the good memories that you have, know that love is possible and exists in this world, and accept it that it has changed.....this time.
Re: Sexual attraction to the Ex. Chey: [center">
[/center"> Click More for the next page.
