advice needed notbychoice: First of all.....I am new to the board..so glad I have come acrosso this board...its so nice and comforting to know I am nota lone in alot of my thughts and feelings.
Anyhoo long story short my divorce of my 8 year marriage was final 8 months ago....my husband just decided out of nowhere he was unhappy and could be happier outside of the marriage. I was destroyed!!! Absolutely destroyed. He did not even want to talk to me or see me...in fact he broke the news to me over the phone. He was a big coward throughout the whole deal.
Well I have moved on as best as I can. Some days are great some are hard. I have met a wonderful man whom I adore....now ex hubby has called saying he has made the biggest mistake of his life...he doesnt know what got into him...he claims mid life crisis. Do I give it another shot or will I always be wondering if he is unhappy and bailing again. I can honestly say my feelings for him have changed but is it because he hurt me so bad? Its weird I almost feel like I am "suppossed" to be with my ex but then when I place myself there in my mind I cant see me being happy again. Our life will never be the same. Way too much water under the bridge.
Ok anyone care to try to put themselves in my shoes and give me some honest advice here. We have no children together.......
cant wait to hear back from someone...as you all know im sure i never thought i could endure so much pain from someone who i thought loved me and thought the world of me. sooo sad. I am so afraid now I will never trust anyone again. Im afraid the rug will be yanked right out from under me again when I least expect it.
advice needed ChristyM: I'm sorry I can't give you any good advice. I just wanted to pop in and say I'm looking forward to seeing the other responses you get. You have hit the nail on the head for what is my greatest fear going forward. That I will move on and he will come back, especially since he's been so wishy-washy with wanting the divorce in the first place. Argh - I feel so bad for you being put in this position. Has he said what he's willing to do to make it work now? Counseling? Do YOU think he's serious - I'm sure you know him best of about anyone. My answer to you would depend on how truly sorry he is and if think something happened (break up with a girlfriend, etc) that might have prompted this.
Christy
Re:advice needed allovertheplace: I am not in any way far enough along in this process to tell you what you should or should not do. But I can offer some questions that you should ask yourself:
after spending this time apart how have you felt? have you been missing him or moving on? if you have been moving on, has this been good? evaluate your situation before he gave this offer and decide if you would have wanted him to do this. (i mean, i know we all would like to think that reconciliation is possible at some points) was your ultimate desire while being apart wanting to be back with him? how do you feel without him? has he changed? could you forgive him? what would it take for you to develop trust again?
the ball is in your court so you basically get to lay the ground rules if you do want to reconcile. don't sell yourself short and take your time making your decision.
Re:advice needed wolly1234: --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't tell me how wonderful things will be someday. Show me you can risk being completely at peace, truly okay with the way things are at this moment, and again in the next and the next
That's so right. SO very right.
Re:advice needed Buggs: NBC,
I'm definatley not an expert on this but if I were you, take a second to reread what you wrote. Sounds like you already know your answer and just need someone to confirm it for you. My philosophy on life has been to always live forward as much as you can - if that makes any sens. I guess what i'm trying to say, setting aside the fact that you met someone - is that your post doesn't give me any indication you are prepared to invest emotional energy.
follow your heart.
Cheers
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