I hate all this ambiguity! Any advice? pandabear99: ... My husband and I have been together since I was 15 and him 21. It has been a difficult process, to say the least. I moved out when I was 16 and moved in with him because I was having a whole host of problems at home. He was kind and loving; kind of a protector, if you will. But he had a whole host of problems: drugs, alcohol, money, irresponsibility, criminal record.. you name it! Well, over the years, he has reversed some of these things, but for the past two years I have been living with a constant time bomb. He would embaress me in public, spend all our money, and degrade me for everything I do. It has been constant hell.
In September, I met another man and we hit it off instantly. This man is only 21 (I'm 22) and he doesn't have a whole bunch going for him - I mean, he lives with his parents, things like that. He was in a long term relationship for over four years in which he lived in another state - this relationship ended about a year ago. Spending time with him has been wonderful - I feel like, for the very first time, I am in love.
Seems easy, but when my husband found out about this during the last half of September, he immediately changed his ways - and has been great ever since. He stopped embarassing me in public, he has been trying to take up some of my interests, we have been attempting to spend some time together, etc. He has really changed his ways. But I just don't feel like I am in love with him - no passion is really there.... I mean I love him, in a nostalgic sort of way, but there is just so much resentment there. We also have a house together and divorcing seems like so much work!
I feel like a failure, in the sense that I feel like leaving alot even though he has changed into the man I thought I would always want. After meeting this other man, I feel like I could never feel that way about my husband.
Any suggestions? HELP! :o
Re:I hate all this ambiguity! Any advice? Spectrum: All I can say, is that you have to choose one or the other.
Unfortunately, this is a choice only you can make. But from a woman who has recently discovered her husband had a six-month affair, I *beg* you to please put your husband out of his misery one way or the other. Don't make him hang out there not knowing. And please don't stay with him if your whole heart isn't in it, because that isn't any better in the long run.
It sounds like your husband has had some problems, but he has at least been kind to you. Doesn't he deserve your honesty? If you don't think you want to spend your life with him, then you need to do what needs to be done. Dragging it out will only make it harder for everyone.
Or, if you are still seriously thinking about salvaging your relationship, have you thought about marriage counseling? It sounds like maybe you just need to remember the things you loved about each other in the first place.
Spectrum.
