I need your strength guys, please changed4ever: I'm falling apart all over again. I'm losing it, all the strength I had gone in one phone conversation. How pathetic am I? The stbx calls today to talk about visitaion with the kids. We argue over sleepover visitation because his last weekend he put our daughter in bed with him and his girlfriend. They live together. His argument is that she was crying to sleep with him and the OW. He says that our daughter always wants to be with her. They've only known her for 2 months. Like that doesn't hurt me enough. My attorney had me send him a letter that sleepover visitaion is over until the judge can address this issue.
Anyway, the conversation turn to us. He saw his lawyer and is screaming at me that he can't afford to live, if he has to pay me child support and 1/2 daycare costs. He carries on about how he'll take the kids and I can pay him child support. Well, finally the whammy. He confesses to cheating from 3-4 months into our realtionship all the way through to the end. Some of the people I even knew. We've been together for 14 years, 7 married and have 2 kids. He then says that he's marrying his girlfriend as soon as the divorce is final and that he loves her and he'll never cheat on her. At this point I can hardly breathe, I'm crying so hard. The last 14 years of my life have been a complete lie. So now I'm hysterical on the phone and he says I'm so sorry, I wish I could take it all back. I always loved you and still do. Then he asks me what do I want. Am I sure that I want a divorce? He misses me and the kids and he's so sorry for ruining my life. He feels bad for what he did to my life. That I have to work full time, that our kids are in daycare and after school and that I'm so tired all the time and have no life. He carries on about how he knows how hard it would be to find someone because he hears how guys talk about a divorced woman with 2 kids and I put on some weight after the kids and men want a thin girlfriend. He then compliments me on losing weight since we split and that everyone says I look great now, but I'm still not as thin as I once was. Then his girlfriend comes home and he says I just want to be a part of my kids' lives. I still can't even talk, I'm just sitting there like an idiot taking all this in. We hang up. I go get my kids and they're both crying. They're tired, hungry and cranky as all hell. Plus we still need to do homework. I cry for close to 2 hours, finally I'm calm enough to write this. How can I stop feeling so bad about myself, is it true ? Realistically who wants to be with a woman with 2 little kids that's exhausted all the time. I don't want this life anymore. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm so tired of trying to move on, I just want to give up. I can't possibly overcome all of this and be happy one day.
Re: I need your strength guys, please WhiskeyGirl: Wow,
I remember being where you are now.....I am so sorry :'( My ex used to do the same thing to me....just call or stop by to say the nastiest things he could think of.....wait til I was bawling and then leave.
Your ex is a real prize...I mean how nice of him to point out that its going to be hard for you to find someone with the kids HE left you with, and how very sweet that he acts like he cares. Oh and I especially like how he compliments you on losing weight but adds that you still aren't as thin as you once were. He really sounds like such a doll really.....I'd like to scratch his eyes out for you.
Changed....do not let him get to you! Do not let him put doubts about your own worth in your mind. He is bring a prick, thats all I have to say.
Beauty is how you feel inside, and it refects in your eyes, it is not something physical.
You are beautiful, you deserve happiness, and you are more than worthy of love from somebody who deserves you and all you have to offer.
Please remember that!!
You are not alone being single with kids.....I have 3, I often wonder and have doubts myself that anybody would saddle themself to all that baggage. But I know that when the right person comes along he will love my kids as I do and accept them as a part of me.
I'm sorry your ex is such a jerk...I nominate him for asshat of the day!
Hugs to you,
Whiskey
Re: I need your strength guys, please SunnyFlower: Changed~
Him telling you that no one would want a woman who is a little less than thin, or who has children, or who is tired all the time, or...WHATEVER is using the things he KNOWS are your weak points to manipulate you into doing what HE wants!! It was the same with my Ex. He KNEW every little thing that bugged me, and when we got into an arguement he used it against me so I did what he wanted. After 14 years of being in a relationship with you, I'm sure your stbx knows your weak points, too.
PEOPLE LIKE THIS ARE CONTROL FREAKS!!
It's NOT true! Don't listen to him!
I know it's got to kill you to know your children are spending time with another woman....I can only imagine how that feels. You can't stop him from having a different life outside of your relationship, but you CAN realize you're better than what he's making you out to be....
TAKE A DEEP BREATH.
I'm sorry I'm sort of ranting on, but it makes me so mad when people are controlling and manipulative like that! >:(
You CAN overcome this and be happy one day. No, YOU WILL overcome this and be happy one day. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Stay strong.
Peace and love,
Sunny :)
Re: I need your strength guys, please changed4ever: Thanks WG and SunnyFlower, your kind words brought tears to my eyes. My friends are so tired of it by now. They keep telling me to stop feeling sorry for myself, I'll be fine. I don't feel fine right now. I feel like my life is over. I never pictured my life like this. I had so many dreams. I never thought I would be a single mom with 2 little kids trying to make it on my own. I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself again. I'm so pathetic, no wonder my friends are sick of hearing me. I'm sorry for carrying on, I'm just drained.
Re: I need your strength guys, please Dire Wolf: Do not hear his words changed. They are his words alone. He's using them as wepons to hurt you. He is looking at things from his own selfish perspective. He is not a decent human being and he is far from worthy of you or your love. Hold true to yourself and all will be as it should be.
I for one would accept anything that comes with any woman that I fell in Love with. I person that understands and respects love can have and show that love unconditionally. He is the negative side of what love is and will never experrience true love in his life because he is shallow. Love is limitless and has no bounds.
Fear not sweetie your true love is out there just waiting to be found. You are a beautiful person. Do not for one second let him make you question that. That is what he wants. You have the capacity to love unconditionally and give of yourself completly. Those who cannot will never be really fulfilled in their lives. Those of us that can can let go and let the love wash over us and experrience true joy and wholeness. We are the lucky ones. They are the ones that will forever walk upon this Earth empty.
Don't ever forget how beautiful you are.
DW
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