Re: Confused about what to do or think Kestral: Sunny, that is pretty easy to answer. I was drawn to his intelligence and confidence. He is intellegent in the classic book smarts way of it. I'm not stupid, but I'm not as "educated" either. I never imagined that the confidence he had would turn into controlling people. That is not true confidence. I think after I started seeing this and tried to rail against it, he just got more and more controlling to keep his personal confidence level up. He really is very, very insecure without it. I mistook his "I'm right period" and the rationals for confidence. It is just my conclusion. Poor choice on my part? More than likely. I just didn't see the control part of it for a long while. Does that make me dumb? I don't really think so.
I asked him the same question. He says he was attracted to me because I was a spontaneous, free spirit. That got squished as time went on. I don't know where that person went. Maybe he did the same thing and mistook my "free spiritness" and had to control it. I'm not though. I hold a good job and make almost as much as he does. I'm not wild or anything.
Re: Confused about what to do or think Kestral: Br, I'd say at least 4 times now, but his outward behavior seems to improve every time I'm at my wits end. Before going to the counselor, he wasn't sorry period!
No, I am not happy when I'm with him cause I feel like a child that should be scared of the outside world and guilty for disagreeing with people. He make me feel like I'm abnormal.
I see where you are going, I believe. If I had said ok, your sorry at the first "I'm sorry" that sounded like a load of drama, accepted that as good enough........ his behavior would only remain at that level and not improve because it would be good enough to get his way?
Re: Confused about what to do or think BigRunner493: IMHO....it seems like he doesn't want you to leave because he likes the control over you and doesn't want to loose that. be prepared that if and when you do leave, his controlling, demeaning behavior may only get worse to make you feel like you aren't going to be able to find anyone else, etc., etc........again, another way of controlling you.
Re: Confused about what to do or think twetifb: [quote author=BigRunner493 link=topic=20595.msg190985#msg190985 date=1129813179">
IMHO....it seems like he doesn't want you to leave because he likes the control over you and doesn't want to loose that. be prepared that if and when you do leave, his controlling, demeaning behavior may only get worse to make you feel like you aren't going to be able to find anyone else, etc., etc........again, another way of controlling you.
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i know this may sound cowardly but i moved out when he went out of town for the weekend because i knew the things he'd say would be even more hurtful and it was difficult enough just leaving...(i told him before hand though). i was there when he came home and saw that i moved out...he screamed, threw things, and said some truly awful stuff. i sat there and let him get it all out and then just stood up and walked out...because i showed no reaction, he never said such mean things to me again.
