3 cigs and one glass of wine left Dire Wolf: Well, I only have 3 cigarettes left(I should quit anyway) and no more wine. I had a very interresting day. To begin, I spent yesterday with my wife and we ended up dancing, crying, and kissing last night. She told me that she still needs time. I don't know how much more time I have to offer her. Especially after what she's done.
So today she tells me that she had to go to the hospital last night because she has a sist on her ovaries and it's ready to burst. So I spent the whole day with her, taking her to her doctor appointments. Then, in between doctor visits, she wants to go to dealerships and trade in the 2005 Jeep Liberty that we bought one week before she walked out for the OM(I do want my name off of it). Well, she is getting a horrible deal on the new vehicle. She now has a pickup and her payments went up $55 a month($468 per month for 72 months for an Isuzu), but that is neither her nor there.
The OM keeps calling her all day and it's starting to wear on me and at one point I knew he said something to close their conversation so I ask her, "does he say I love you to you?" She says yes. Then I ask, "do you say it back to him?" Silence, so I ask again and she says, "well I care alot about him." Keep in mind she has known this guy all of 5 weeks(one week before she moved out).
Well, that broke it for me. On the way home, I ask her to pull over in the park and walk with me. I held her hand and led her under some trees and I said,
"baby, I love you more than I have ever loved anything in my life, but I have to say goodbye."
Her: "are you sure?"(crying)
Me:(crying myself)"yes, I think I am. I just can't continue to wake up everyday and feel this hurt and depression until I lay my head down at night. It just all hurts too much."
Her: "I love you too, and I want to get back there but I need time but I don't want to hurt you anymore and I want you to do what you need to do for you. But I'll always be there for you and I will always be your friend."
Me: "I don't think I can be your friend. I was your best friend and I want all of you or none of you. I deserve better."
So, I think I just ended it and now it's time for me to move forward and try to heal. I'm sadened for her. She is losing far more than she is gaining. Her sister, who is her best friend, called me tonight and told me she is sending her a letter tomorrow telling her that she is washing her hands of her because she can not be a part of the life she has created for herself and doesn't even know who she is anymore. God, this is such a tragety. I don't know what happened to the woman I used to know.
I've been chain-smoking and laying into the wine tonight as my way of putting my marrage to rest. Tomorrow, I will wake into a whole new life that I am now ready to move forward into. Fare thee well, my wife.
Re: 3 cigs and one glass of wine left SunnyFlower: DW-
Good luck with your journey into your future.
It sounds like you're at peace with your decision.
~Sunny :)
Re: 3 cigs and one glass of wine left sheydp: Oh sweetie.. I am so sorry. The time when you accept it the first time, when you KNOW... that is the worst. I spent 2 days screaming and crying.. but it got better. Of course... I had years to prepare... I am glad you are accepting.. but don't be surprised at the roller coaster of emotion... You will go through lots of stages.. hopefully not lots of wine and cigs... Wish it could have turned out differently for you. (((((((((HUGS))))))))) You will be ok.
Shey
