Re: online affair alsohuman: Horace,
My wife was having an affair; the only way I found out was through spying on her email. I knew we were having marital problems, but I guess I expected her to be honest with me if she ever got to the point where she decided she didn't want to be in the relationship anymore.
It all started one Saturday, as I was outside playing with our toddler. I asked her to come outside (she was at the computer writing email as usual) to watch him for a bit so I could print out my itinerary for a flight overseas (had a business trip). She accidently (?) left her email window open, and as I got there to print out my itinerary, an email subject caught my eye that got me suspicious. I opened it. My heart raced as I read it. I didn't think our relationship was in that big of a rut that she had started looking for someone else. I confronted her right away, but she said I was making a mountain out of a mole hill. (The email was only to her best friend saying "he's not writing to me"; pretty innocent at that point in time.)
Months passed. She spent more and more time at the computer at the expense of spending time with me and our son. I finally decided to just hack my way into her email. Found out that she had been actively pursuing a married man with 3 kids.
laptop batterie's dying... i'll finish up later...
Re: online affair alsohuman: ...continuing
So I think at the point where she decided to start emailing him initially, she had already made the decision to leave me. Said she needed time and space, but that she wanted to keep trying to work on our relationship (she was a stay at home mom, so if she left, she would've had money problems). She had two choices: (1) stay in the relationship and work on our marriage, or (2) leave me and face monetary issues (even though I would be required to pay her about $2500 / mo).
She decided to stay in the marriage until she could find her financial independence or find another man who would support her. She didn't tell me this; she said she wanted to work on our marriage. But most of the time she just ignored me at home, or when she engaged me in conversation, she was a total b*tch. I guess I should be happy that she's not a good actress, or I would've had a big surprise had she found another man before I decided to leave.
Anyway, the point is: she was dishonest with me up until the very end. She continued to email and pursue this man. I was the backup plan in case the OM didn't want to leave his wife and kids (I ended up confronting this guy, and he totally backed down; saved at least one marriage). That doesn't mean it can't work in your case; however, you should ask her to go to counseling with you if you want to save the marriage. And don't give up with less than 6 months of weekly counseling. There are probably deep issues that need to be resolved there, and it won't go away with just a few visits to the marriage counselor. You'll at least have to get passed the betrayal you feel from her online affair, and she'll have to get passed the betrayal of you reading her IM's to the OM. Then you'll have to start working on the issues that led her to search for online companionship.
I wish you the best. It takes two to make a marriage work. Get her to counseling with you.
BetrayedinSF
Re: online affair Discarded: A KeyLogger is the best bet for getting information from a computer. They are completely hidden in the background, but they log ever key that is pressed on the computer and put it on Wordpad when you download it.
More sophisticated KeyLoggers can also capture all incoming and outgoing Email and Email it to another Email address automatically once it is set up including pictures and webcams.
I had to go into quite a bit of investigating when I went through my Divorce because she planned on abducting our children.
I collected over 500 pages of printed material in 10 days, and that does not include the pictures, or phone crap. I did end up with custody because of it all though and the divorce was swift and fairly painless after all this evidence came up in court.
Gathering the Evidence was more painful than anything I ever want to go through again though. I would get physically sick and throw up in the bathroom going through it. It was more emotionally draining, sickening, twist your guts up pain.
[color=red"> PREPARE FOR WHAT YOU MAY FIND SO YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING REALLY STUPID OR RASH! If you don't think you can handle the evidence or what you may find have someone else do it for you. Seriously it would be very easy to go temporary insanity.[/color">
Discarded
Re: online affair ChiefWiggum: If you're thinking of going to a lawyer, might as well confront her with what you found. What do you have to lose?
