Re:Feeling guilty barelybreathing: I agree with finney. Surely you were drawn to her for many reasons and that is why you chose to marry her. Tap into that. Don't place the responsibility soley on her to "change". Reinvent, reignite, reexamine.
Divorce is awful. Avoid it at all costs.
BB
Re:Feeling guilty Eyelo: Well,
This weekend I was totally honest with her…laid it all out there so there can be no misunderstanding about how I am feeling. I did not tell her I was leaving but I let her know that it was not out of the question. There were a lot of tears on both sides and a lot of harsh words from her. She told me how she was going to get the house, the cars, the savings, the furniture, the dogs, etc. I guess if I do decide to divorce I have to be willing to loose everything. And I can’t help thinking to myself ‘so what’. I think ‘how can material things mean anything in comparison to being happy for the rest of my live’. Frankly it can’t. Not once did she want to discuss what we could to try to work on things. :-[
I read the replies to my post and the central theme seems to be ‘what drew you to her in the first place?’. To answer that question I had to go to counseling. It seems that I have this relationship pattern of being ‘a rescuer’ and when we met she need rescuing…boy did she ever. I rescued to the point of neglecting myself in the process. I got so focused on it that in a way I lost a part of “me” and have yet to recover it. I used to be a fairly creative and active person …played the guitar, painted, played tennis etc. The last time I pickup up my guitar was shortly after we met. I have tried to pick it up since to no avail…it just does not feel right in my hands. It looks like some foreign object and it stares back at me saying ‘what are you doing holding me? Put me back so I can collect some more dust!’
Sad but true.
Re:Feeling guilty Safetykc: I am sad that it seems there is no way to work things out, but it is early, you may both deside to seek counseling together.
As for losing everything. My X, was the leaver and got way to much because I let her.
Most courts are fair and will divide things equitably if you let them. But that's up to you as it was to me. I was just hurting so bad I wanted to be over as quickly as possible.
So a "rescuer" I know that feeling, My therapist said something similar to me. "Saviour" complex. Working on it...
Good luck on yours. ;)
Take care man, and strum a ditty for all of us on OJAR. It will make you feel better!
Safety
