Feeling guilty ChristyM: I can't tell you enough how you sound like my s2bx. He became depressed and like JimB said, he figured it must be his marriage. He didn't come talk to me first or anything, just one day said "I want a divorce". No amount of begging and pleading would change his mind. After 30 days, he came back and said "I've made a mistake, after being away from the marriage and our family I realize it wasn't the marriage". He said if he could turn back time he wouldn't have asked for a divorce but instead worked on himself first and gotten counseling. Unfortunately, after so much damage was done, there wasn't really any turning back and our divorce should be final in a couple weeks. Such a sad, sad situation. Even though we might have talked about things we would change about each other, I NEVER thought he would ask for a divorce. The REALLY sad thing is him asking for a divorce was a wake up call to me that he did have some very valid points about me. I went to a counselor and started working on me and changed my outlook and now he says I'm a totally different person with a different perspective on life but he is still depressed and unhappy even though this is what he asked for . It seems like such a waste because he won't even be the one to benefit from those positive changes. I'm hoping this is making sense. Try everything you can before you actually file for divorce. Maybe you might even have to spend a little time apart if you think she thinks you aren't serious, but don't make that final step unless you are 100% SURE it is what you want. Once things are put in motion it's very hard to ever fix the damage - I can attest to that.
Christy
Re:Feeling guilty finney5: Dispite my situation, I'm a big fan of marriages staying together. So there were a few things in your post that caused me to wonder. You mention that you have nothing in common with her. What drew you to her in the first place? Something about her attracted you. You went so far as to marry this woman. Maybe regressing back to that will help to rekindle feelings.
Are you willing to work on staying with her, or have you decided that it's over. Attitude plays the biggest part in a relationship. If you already have in your head that the relationship is dead, then it will be, no matter what motions you go through attempting to keep it alive.
I agree with the previous posts. Counselling is very important. It sounds like you've gone in the past, but as you're wrestling with this question, a professional's objective opinion may help you find an answer that you can be satisfied with.
Finally, Communication is the most important thing. You obviously care about this woman and worry about her feelings. You mention that co-counseling sessions lead up to the point about you leaving. Does she understand how serious you are about it?
I'll be honest, I really hope you're able to work things out. But only you are able to come up with the answer you can live with. Good luck!
Re:Feeling guilty wolly1234: I know this may sound cold and callous. But, by chance, if you figure out down the road that you are wrong. What then? The damage is done. Ohh brother, if I had only known how I would feel about things later on. I tried pretty hard, but I coulda done better. Lonliness sucks. We lost our passion for a long time. I blamed her. But it was just as much my fault. I was looking in the wrong direction. Looking for the reasons not to find the best in her. A big mistake. FOr me it probally wouldn't have worked anyway. ANd it may not fot you either. But, I can tell you you'll never forgive yourself if you don't try. You'll make excuses about why it wouldn't have worked. Then those will fade. ANd the truth will get you. All people are special in their own right. I am learning to find that. Love them for who they are, not who you want them to be. Then you'll find love.
Re:Feeling guilty aimeed1: I like that Wolly Love them for who they are, not who you want them to be. Then you will find love. Simple but so very true.
Re:Feeling guilty SunnyFlower: Sent you a PM.
Click More for the next page.
