"Beautiful you are" barelybreathing: I am way down. Way below the perimeters of feeling anything but total defeat and complete dejection.
This is an excerpt from an email he sent to me today:
"......Sorry about this weekend and I loved my card it reminds me of how beautiful you are."
Today was his birthday. I sent him a card. This week I am geared up to file for divorce. Something I am having a really hard time doing. I get this email and it tugs at me. But it shouldn't, it is just words. Words backed by no actions. Something I have become accustomed to for a year now.
He cheats and I am the evil "X". His parents had come into town a few weeks ago and never bothered to see their grandchild, despite my attempts that all was okay. I get home from work today and they sent her a nice little valentine's card. A card that says you are "growing sweeter day by day". HOW WOULD THEY KNOW? How on earth would they know if she is sweet or not. They have no contact with her.
And so I have become this now evil "X" they must avoid. All my valiant efforts to keep some decorum, some peace for all involved (extended family) and I am treated like a leper.
It just seems so wrong. He commits this sin but yet I carry the cross.
Then his email, it plays over and over in my head. Why does this man, who married me cause he loved me at one time, why would he want to play with my heart so? What would be the purpose of it? I don't think it is malicious on his part. I even believe he might even mean it (to an extent) but why not stop and think of what it does to me? The impact of the words that I long so to hear from his lips. Is that so hard?
Sigh.....my head is way down today.
BB
Re:"Beautiful you are" picadilly: I alwasy read these posts & wonder what is up with these insensitive jerk-offs that are the stbx's or Ex's that cheated on one of my Ojar friends. I just don't understand their logic, if you would call it that. They seem to be one of 2 types.. the "we can still be freinds even though you are the one asking for the divorce" or the "no communication, I have a new life" type.
There is no rational except that they seem to have to vindicate themselves with this crap, they tell themselves over & over that we you were the one that pushed them into the arms of someone else. Must have been with that imaginary shotgun to the head you held. ::)
BB, you are a beautiful person from what I know of you. Do not let this get you down too low. You have come so far to be pushed around like this. He knows the buttons to push, trust me, they do. While it may not be intentional, they do it because that is how they were with you before & it's more out of habit then malice. They should stop to think before they say things but I don't think they realise how much we hurt. They don't hurt that much so "why should we?" is probably how they think.
And just a thought but he shouldn't need a card to remind him how beautiful you are.
Hang in there BB, my thoughts are with you this night.
Re:"Beautiful you are" Brian75034: BB,
Like myself, I know you are a strong Christian so here is a Christian reference.
Christ, despite all the good He wanted to do in the world, was still shunned, and hurt by the very people he was hoping to help and save.
Keep your head up and stay "Christ-like" in the ways that you have.
I have also thought long and hard for the "why" people do weird things like that. The only thing I can think of is that its all selfishly motivated. They act and do things they thing is good for them in the short term- with never understanding the impact of how it might affect other around them or even themself in the long term. This mind frame can go all the way back to people that cheat. Again, Its all selfishly motivated.
Hang in there!
B
Re:"Beautiful you are" barelybreathing: Thanks fellas.....
I do feel better Brian to stay "Christ-like". It is just a better place to be.
And I so do appreciate your reference. Puts it into perspective.
Picadilly, how very sweet.
After much reflection last night, I am reminded that the only toxic thing in my life is well, him. I must distance myself from him. Apparently, I am quite vulnerable to him still. Its hard to turn my back on him. But I realize that he is in a bad place. And he is consumed with hate, anger and negativity. Its apparent in his behavior. Until he is enlightened and finds love within himself again. He is no good to anyone. Especially me.
I know this, I was good to him. Even after the affair. I was truly his friend when in all honestly, he turned his back on me as "my friend". I feel good about that. I feel good that I did not contribute to this being any uglier than it already was. This has been a humbling experience, one that I take seriously to the commitment of getting to the other side not jaded and bitter.
I will take it for what it is, he said, "the card reminds me of how beautiful you are." Well it should, I am beautiful (not in the physical sense), and you are going to miss me in your life. Friends like me, are hard to come by..........
BB
"Beautiful you are" ChristyM: Not to make this a religious thread, but you are right BB - he can always look back and see Christ in your actions and that's what will matter. I am in your position also and realized that I had to move on and not be his friend anymore if I was ever going to heal. He was "using" my friendship and that's wrong. Stay strong and don't get sucked into the games he's playing. I'm sure he knows how you feel about him and how much you want to help him, but he needs to start helping himself. Don't try to analyze his actions because most of our x's aren't thinking rationally so their behavior won't make sense. It's all about him right now, not you so he doesn't understand what he's doing to you. Hopefully he will someday. Stay strong - remember, you have God on your side and he wants desperately for you to be happy.
Christy
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