my story socialdisorder: Well I've been married for 9 years.
My wife is bipolar 2 I don't think it's a big deal.
Well for 9 years I thought that I was doing the right things. Never wanted to do anything with what friends that I have. You know (leave her sitting at home while I'm with budies) never did that. I've always supported my family with a good job. Never cheated on my wife. She say's for 9 years she has been living my life. (You know the wife thing) she has never been able to be herself. Well i had no idea that she was doing it for me I thought she wanted to be my wife and a mom. She never had to have a job but she finally got her meds straightened out and decided that she wanted a job. Well cool I thought. She say's that I just wanted to keep her at home. Never crossed my mind. Life went on switched jobs to a better one. Great. Then came the internet and chat rooms well after that she wants a differnt life one of her own.
Then come's the divorce it's not a fight for everything not a bad one but the thing is. I love her and she says i've never been their for her So I feel bad and just want to be able to talk to someone about things. Sometime when it hit's me i start to think about it and i will just break down. You know how do I explaine it to my son.
Well you know my side, she has another view I'm sure it's how she feel's about the whole thing. I guess I'm just feeling bad for myself because I thought I was doing thing's right.
I dont know?
Re:my story bushy: Hi there social,
I'm Bushman, have been kicking around here for about three months now - wife of 3 years (together for 10) left me for another man. Just wanted to lend you my support.
Have to tell ya that from what I've been told by my Ojar pals - the kinda stuff your wife is telling you is pretty common, and so too is the way in which you are interpreting it. When my wife left she gave me a list of no end of reasons that helped her to justify to herself why what she was doing was correct. Most of those reasons involved things that I had done that were wrong, ways I had made her feel that were wrong. Sounds like your wife is doing the same too. You see, I am only now learning that they NEED to believe that these "reasons for leaving" are true - so they HAVE to try very hard to convince themselves that they are true. In clinging to these reasons for leaving and justifying them, they put on a pretty convincing act - and we start to believe them too (I started to believe I had driven my wife away because of all of her "reasons"). But I am only now coming to realise that at the end of the day - these "reasons" that she gives that paint such a bad picture of you are only NOW convenient to bring to the surface - and why? Because now she WANTS to leave - and has someone to leave for in my case - so these reasons are great excuses to up and leave and pretend its all because of YOU - and not because she is actually abandoning you for someone else (that would paint her in a negative light and she does not want that). They help ease her guilt - but in the mean time make you feel a whole lot worse and a terrible person. I don't think exes think about how much worse they make our pain when they amass blame and guilt on us - to me its a form of torture most horrid. I know how you are feeling my friend - I am truly sorry for you too - but I have been assured by my fellow Ojar friends that it gets better (although I'm not at that stage yet). I can tell you I am beginning to move out of the feeling guilty stage and can see how I "wasn't that bad after all" - you will too. Just keep breathing, let time pass, and see what comes in with the tide.
Take Care
Bushman
Re:my story Safetykc: And we will keep saying it Bushy...
It DOES get better!
Welcome SD and I am glad you found a place here where you can vent and hopefully learn from those of us going through/have gone through this whole divorce thing.
Take care,
Safety
