Craving the old life back Video_Producer: I get that strage why can't I have my old life back. I mean I've been separated since nov 02 divorced since 8/03 and I've moved on, dated 2 women, finally settled in dating a 3rd and we get along great, been together about 9 months but I keep looking at what I had, why can't I have that back, I know it's not fair to think it but is it normal to want that old life back. I never could take her back, she cheated on me, all trust is lost with her and I would have to be there 24/7 in order to trust her and since that's not possible I know we'd have no future. But still is it normal that even in some situations, abuse aside, that you still crave that old life again. Does anyone have that in their current relationship, do you wish that you could be back pre-divorce ? Is that something that I have to accept that once was is gone ?
-r-
Re:Craving the old life back finney5: You really do have to accept that once was is now gone. You have moved on into another segment of your life.
It's not bizarre to wish for what was. I'm going to over simplify this, but the feelings my be akin to High School, where people sigh about how things once were. And may or may not want to go back and live it all over again (often forgetting the pain from the experience).
Both are huge events that happened in our lives. But also happen to be in the past. You get in trouble when you over dwell and live in the past. At that point you'll never be able to move forward.
I hope this helps at least a little. You're not alone in those feelings.
Re:Craving the old life back Brian75034: Tech,
I am very similar in terms of divorce timeframe now dating someone new for 7 months.
BUT, I do not miss at all what I had. It is sad but I dont miss it. I feel what I have NOW is much more mature, healthier, and better for me.
You might want to think about if you are actually ready for another relationship. Sure, you have had closure yet? Does your current gf know you feel that way?
B
Re:Craving the old life back brynne: That is discouraging news b/c I am going thru that right now, daily & I am only 2 month's post divorce. I was hoping after the 3 month or 6 mo. mark it would get easier & I would learn to accept my new life. My X also cheated & I know I wouldn't want to be w/ him, but the life we had b/f was good. He was an excellent b/g, fiance & husband...until the last 6 months when I suspect the cheating began.
It's hard not to think about the good times. I think that's the hard part about divorce, unlike other singles who have never know life as a married couple, they don't know what they're missing, we do ! We know that when it's good, it's really good...it's wonderful to have that person in your life that completes you & is there for you & loves you unconditionally, or at least that's what we had initially.
But now we must go back to that "other life" being single but w/ the haunting memories of what we once had.
Hope
Re:Craving the old life back Video_Producer: My g/f does know, she and I have had that talk, it's not that I don't enjoy what we do, in some ways it's better with the g/f than the Ex, but when I think about the life I HAD vs the life I HAVE there are some obvious things I miss. I wanted kids, they are pretty much out of the picture, I couldn't put a child through what I went through and since nothing is forever, I won't think about kids anymore. I was established in my future plans and goals, personally and professionally and it was ripped away from me, don't get me wrong I'm not hung up on the ex, it's the life I wish I could get back, not the ex. Looking at my pre / post divorce life there is a clear choice for me as to which I would want if I could choose. I talk to the g'f and a therapist and she says it's sort of the grieving process, that life of mine died, so I grieve for the past.
If I could have my old life with my g/f I'd be fine.
-r-
