New here- my story crushedman: Hi all-
I found this group a few days and it has been comforting to know that others are going through the same thing that I am. I was not married or even engaged. However, I absolutely planned on becoming engaged within the next few months. Instead, my soon to be fiance became very distant (almost overnight) and then basically disappeared. We had a fight that she considers the official 'breakup' (although she never actually broke up with me) and then she avoided me. When I did reach her she blamed EVERYTHING on me- said it was my fault, and said that I blew it for some mistakes that I had made. I found out later that she decided to pursue a relationship with her new 22 year old roommate. I am absolutely crushed.
Why do people do the things they do? Why do people react with anger when they want to break up with people? I cannot stand myself for missing her. I've since lost my job, my car (accident), and my home. My life is such a mess. If anyone has a kind word, I'm listening.
Re: New here- my story OnceAgain: Oh, darling, I know the feeling. Everything is crashing in around you. She could care less. And you are wondering when you'll feel normal/good again...
And as cliche as it sounds, "this too shall pass". If she really didn't appreciate you, then you are better off. Another cliche, but it's true. There are soooo many people in this world, so many chances to be happy.
Just remember that....
Re: New here- my story crushedman: How do you people handle this pain? Married, 10, 15, 20 years and then it's gone. I can't even handle being left by a girl that I wasn't even engaged to. It's amazing to me- can you get up for work and function normally? God bless you if you can. I can't work. I can't sleep. I can't function.
What is life, anyway? I used to believe there was a pattern or a purpose. People make mistakes, but they are basically good. There is a kharma. If you work hard and long enough, you will be rewarded. My heart will not lead me astray. Vulnerability was a good thing.
Now I question everything that I thought was real.
There are absolutely no guarantees. Is there meaning?
I swear to God I would rather anything happen to me then what happened.
Re: New here- my story Discarded: Married 10 years, 3 wonderful children, wife cheated (long story and culmination of facts here over several months, several different men) we seperated, and finally divorced. I recently remarried and am loving life.
It is a very painful process, sometimes the pain was almost unbearable. When i thought it was unbearable the pain would increase 10 fold and I would suffer through that, for it to get even worse. Eventually it started easing off and I started living a new life with my 3 children.
The tearing apart of your life, dreams, and ambitions is extremely painful. You will life through it, learn from it, grow from it, and come out the other side a better and stronger person.
You go to work and do the best job you can because you have to. You sleep when you can (dang hard to do and usually you are near exhaustion before you get a catnap). You function because you have to function. Wallowing in your pain, guilt (whether real or perceived), and agony is just no way to live life. Start getting out and doing things with friends, family, or just by yourself. It's hard to do at first as you really don't want to, but it will help you tremendously as it diverts your thoughts some at first. Eventually you will realize that you can move forward with your life and will be excited by what your new life has to offer.
Discarded
Re: New here- my story manda: This may help: You are grieving over this relationship now. She is not. She probably will, later. But you'll be better then.
Get it all out now. Cry. Vent. Post here. It helps even though it is painful. It really is like being at the bottom of a black hole.
It is very hard. I was married 15 years-almost half my life. I still think the garage doors are going to sound at exactly the same time each day--I listen for them, as if he is coming home from work.
But reading posts here, and seeing that people are a little better at different stages helps a lot. It is an education in human emotions. Sometimes I see people slip back and have bad days, but when they are further along, they recover faster than at the beginning. You are at the beginning. Let the feelings flood you for a little while so that your climb out will not keep throwing back down to the bottom of the black hole.
Sorry for rambling on and on and using crazy analogies.
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