Caution...maybe not so "PC" OnceAgain: So, I have a feeling that what I am about to say is not very "PC."
I have been reading these boards for quite a while. Ever since my breakup, I have used them as a source of both support and reassurance, but not like you may think. I've actually been looking to this site for stories that are worse than mine...to make me feel better. I didn't create a username until about a month ago, so that I could roam anonymously.
And still, I haven't posted my story, just replied to what others had to say. I don't know if I'm quite ready, but what I want to say is that that until any single one of us is ready to take responsibility for our relationships....well, we will never learn from them and move on.
For example:
I just read a post about how "the computer ruined my relationship", and now the poster is regretting how things ended up and the fact that the significant other looked elsewhere for love and affection. While I would NEVER justify anyone's actions that lead them into the arms of another, but seriously, let's be honest.
RELATIONSHIPS ARE WORK.
Pure and simple.
If you have a doubt in your mind that you took someone for granted, then you did. I did. I didn't realize what I had when I had it. I didn't realize that I was nagging, that I wasn't being understanding of his job, his responsibilities. I didn't realize that the best thing in the world was sleeping in his arms. I didn't realize that he was always supportive of me, even if I didn't return the favor. I didn't realize that "going out" was not the most important thing I could do with him. I didn't realize that he was my best friend, and that his advise was both fair and kind, even if I didn't want to hear it.
And now...
I don't know if I'll ever have the chance to appreciate it again. Now that I appreciate it for what it is. Not Cinderella. Not a Hollywood movie. Just life - just a true relationship. And after almost 9 years of that relationship, back and forth, up and down, I wish I had just that one more chance...
Re: Caution...maybe not so "PC" manda: I think what you have posted is "PC" enough. And I think many of us see the mistakes we have made in our relationship and think about how we could have done more or given more. Although, in my case, my husband would probably admit that he did the "taking for granted" and I did the trying to please. But my point is that it's okay to admit those things and you will grow as a person from doing so.
That kind of thing is irrelevant because you are still hurting. You still need support. And that's what the site is for. It is good for you to be here.
You may be in the "bargaining" stage of grief, from what it sounds like. (Ya know, the five stages of grief: denial, anger or recentment, bargaining, depression, acceptance--but really grief can't be so easily defined. It's just a guide that helps to know about.) You are asking yourself how you could have done things differently. Actually, maybe it wouldn't have mattered.
I'm sorry. I hope you feel better soon. I'm glad you are here and posting. The reading is also very important. Welcome.
Re: Caution...maybe not so "PC" thehitekrednek: OnceAgain
I hope that reading them did help, yes I did make some poor decisions, but none of them were mean't to do "Us" harm. I guess my biggest mistake was assuming that everything would be ok, and I will pay for that the rest of my life.
What she did was much worse and she is still twisting the blade.
Life will go on though and I will live it with what I learned from this. Hopefully a better person and a better friend.
You will be alright too. You are strong and you are in control of you.
That sentence got me through the roughest part, along with being here.
Be strong!!
thr
Re: Caution...maybe not so "PC" pflow3000: Well...it's day three of being on this site for me and I'll tell you I feel much better about myself just knowing that there ARE other people out there going through (or that have gone through) similar situations.
And YES I did still fall asleep early this morning and YES I did still wake up miserable thinking about her a couple of hours later...but I found some comfort in getting back here and writing down stuff hasn't been enough for me...but posting them here makes all the difference in the world...now it's been released.
I'd have to agree with your point that we all have to take some responsibility for our failed relationships. In some case (ok a lot) it's usually not the fault of the people who I've seen around here (this site) but at very least their fault lies in not recognizing that problems of this magnitude existed. And we do need to realize our mistakes but we must learn from them. MY personal opinion is that we need to realize that we are WORTH more than what we went through (or are going through) and happiness is not just some foreign thing you find in the movies, stories, or lives of others...it can happen for us too.
As for the five steps...I've been through the denial (during the relationship), the bargaining (just prior to the split) and the depression (every moment since I became aware) and now hopefully I'm moving into the acceptance stage. Although I admit I fall back to the depressed state almost daily I can now see that there might be better days ahead and that me and the kids will be better off. Honestly I've missed the anger stage all together. I love and care for this woman too much to wish horrible things on her despite what she's done...I can only hope she finds what she was missing, finds happiness for all our sakes (kids as well), and finally that she finds a spiritual presence that will endure forever. I know that when times got tough for me...I did run to God and now that is making all the difference in the world.
Re: Caution...maybe not so "PC" manda: That reminds me of something I heard from a public speaker. He took a 2 dollar bill and asked if anyone wanted it. Hands shot up. Then he crumbled it and asked if you still wanted it. Hands shot up. Then he threw it down and stepped on it and asked again... (you get it... it kept it's value.)
Point is: You are still that valuable person.
Click More for the next page.
