Re: Caution...maybe not so "PC" Falcon554: I take alot of the blame for letting my wife live in a marriage where I was not there for her. I was playing games on the damn PC for hours on end. She beged me to pay attention to her. I did nothing for her for 4 years. But when I got sick and thought i was dieing, then only then did I realize what I had done. But by then it was to late the affair had started and she went nutso.
I will not take the blame for the last 5 months of pain for everyone. The affair, the other 4 guys she banged, the guy now she is seeing, the useing me, when she knew I wanted to make it work. The pain she caused my son (he is 19), he knows almost everything that dumb woman has done. She was called a who** at the county fair by the affair guys wife and family. How sad a human being can you be to even go see his band after the wife found out?
My wife has more problems then just the marriage ending, she says she happy but how can anyone be happy just giving up there body to anyone, having and affair with a married man, having a 3some with her best friend and husband and then almost loseing that relationship. Almost getting raped by someman. I mean she went off the deep end.
Re: Caution...maybe not so "PC" Lumpy: I think that the key here is balance. In the early stages I blamed myself for EVERYTHING. I was a neglectful husband, I put her needs second or even third to mine and the kids. I built her up into a saint during this time. "How will I ever find someone so sweet, kind,beautiful, etc". After I found out about the infidelity I did a 180. I demeaned her both emotionally and mentally. She became this soulless, classless, wh#re to me at that point. I allowed myself to blame her for the whole mess for a time. The reality lies somewhere in between. I find it easier now to just split the blame right down the middle. We both cocked it up. All I can do now is to hold myself accountable for my mistakes and strive to not repeat them. It's definetly a learning experience.
Re: Caution...maybe not so "PC" turboss: i agree, i did SOOO much to ruin our reltionship, but if that was JUST the case, and we only pushed them away by not realizing mistakes that we made, why not just get a divorce and THEN move in and date another spouse? Why do that during the "seperation". My point is that I am a BIG enough person to admit my faults and that there are things that i did to make my marriage fail, but he was not perfect either, and unless he could realize his faults and us work through them together, then it is out of my hands. God, do i want my husband to come home and me hold him and tell him i am so sorry for not being a better wife. I feel like I even put him on the back burner when my little girl came along which is probably why he finally did leave, but if he had any respect or love for me at anytime...wait, until your divorce is over before you go and make more mistakes and hurt each other worse by comitting adultery, ya know???
If i could take all my faults back, i would so that if it still failed that i would be able to truly say that i took no part in it, but i did. My main reason for posting here is for friendship, and understanding, and guidance. I do still think my situation could be so much worse when i read some of these other stories, but it still hurts like hell.
turboss
Re: Caution...maybe not so "PC" starzluv: i have to say for some people they don't take responsibilty for their part in the break up, but in my case, the only thing i ever "nagged" him about, was him going out all the time and not spending any time with me and the kids. i never got on his case every time he quit a job (he averaged about 6 different jobs a year). i never got on his case about not helping clean or take care of the kids when he was home. in the last 2 years he had gone out at least 3-4 times a week, sometiimes more, as for us going out, we went out once in that 2 years. i didn't complain about US not going out, i complained that HE was going out oo much, and not spending time with me and our kids. i never complained about not having things, and i never complained about money. all i ever wanted from him was a little time spent as a family. i took care of the kids, i took care of the house work and the cooking. and i never complained about anything but time. i did everything he wanted and asked of me, and it wasn't enough. our problems were because he made problems of everything. i now wonder if he likes to fight and that's why he made something as small as me asking what he wanted for dinner into a fight.
Re: Caution...maybe not so "PC" autumn7: [quote author=OnceAgain link=topic=21013.msg196350#msg196350 date=1130571689">
If you have a doubt in your mind that you took someone for granted, then you did. I did. I didn't realize what I had when I had it. I didn't realize that I was nagging, that I wasn't being understanding of his job, his responsibilities. I didn't realize that the best thing in the world was sleeping in his arms. I didn't realize that he was always supportive of me, even if I didn't return the favor. I didn't realize that "going out" was not the most important thing I could do with him. I didn't realize that he was my best friend, and that his advise was both fair and kind, even if I didn't want to hear it.
And now...
I don't know if I'll ever have the chance to appreciate it again. Now that I appreciate it for what it is. Not Cinderella. Not a Hollywood movie. Just life - just a true relationship. And after almost 9 years of that relationship, back and forth, up and down, I wish I had just that one more chance...
[/quote">
I normally don't post...I come here every once in awhile, but I just wanted to say that your story and mine are almost exactly the same. I took the most beautiful, loving, kind, generous person for granted all 7 years (4 married) of our relationship. Well after he did all the trying, I left for the summer, and he found someone new. He hasn't left yet, and now it is likely too late for us. God I hope not, but I'm trying not to delude myself. It kills me that I know that our problems are basically my fault, and I'm not just saying that, and I don't think he is perfect. I just feel like my eyes have been opened, I was stupid and extremely selfish and I've hurt, and will likely lose, the most wonderful man I have ever met, the one I want to spend all my days with. There is no heartbreak like it. Thanks for sharing.
Click More for the next page.
