Advice Column crushedman: I read an online advice column the other day- very interesting. It was from a woman that had been with her husband for 4 years, married for 2. They had a baby together. She said she had never loved her husband. She said she knew at the time that it was wrong to get married, but she felt 'obligated'. She knew she had made a terrible mistake. The reply she got was to tell her husband that she no longer felt the same way and that she was moving out to get her head straight. Then as soon as she moved out, she was to file for divorce.
I've been thinking of this couple a lot. From her perspective, there is no way she can really tell her husband the whole truth without causing more damage than she has already done. Marriage counseling, or trying to 'work it out' will just cause more anguish for this poor guy. It would be dishonest although it may placate him for a time. Can't you just see that first conversation?:
Him: What's wrong?
Her: Nothing.
Him: C'mon. I can tell something is wrong.
Her: (crying now) I'm sorry. I just don't feel the same way anymore. My feelings have changed.
Him: (shocked disbelief) what are you talking about?
Her: I think I'm going to move out for a while and get my head together. I need to figure out what I want.
Him: (denial sets in) Well, let's figure out what the problem is. Maybe we should go to counseling or something.
Her: I don't want that.
Him: Well you can't seriously be considering moving out- we just got married 2 years ago and we have a beautiful baby. Are you sure nothing is wrong with you? Maybe post partum or something.
Her: Listen. I told you I need some space. Why can't you respect that?
Him: This is just too weird. Just last week you told me how much you loved me and how happy you were. We are MARRIED! (voice raises) We have a BABY. There is absolutely no way in hell you are taking that baby away from me because you have turned crazy. Why in hell would you bother marrying me if you were ready to run for the door at the sign of any trouble. I can't believe we can't even at least try to work this out.
And so it goes, and so it goes.
Everything ends badly, or else it wouldn't end.
Re: Advice Column alonewith2: I can understand the man's grief and disbelief in this story. It's a shame that people feel "obligated" to marry. My husband tried to tell me the same thing. Why can't people understand that you shouldn't lie about your feelings. If you don't feel "into" the relationship, then you should speak up. Things are never going to change or get "magically" better by staying silent! In most cases, they will just get worse, and it will lead to a discussion like you posted!
Re: Advice Column turboss: The thing that bothers me is that they say, "maybe I made a mistake when I married you and when i ASKED YOU to marry me"....It was an ACCIDENT when i got you pregnant since i was already thinking about leaving before then b/c I haven't been happy. what the hell??? Why don't you just rip out my lungs and my intestines while you take along my heart?
turboss
