I'm fooling myself Erin: I can't do this.
It has been almost 3 months since he walked out. I'm a zombie. I don't want this, I never wanted this. It is all so stupid and I can't believe that everything is being thrown away so easily.
When we talk now, it is so angry and hostile. He wants me to sell the house and I don't want to. He is now trying to pressure me into it by refusing to pay any support. He is being so unreasonable in his requests and accusations. He is going to be lucky if he walks away with anything financially in this. (This isn't just me saying this, this is a fact.)
I hate this. I just want to give up. Would selling the house, giving him everything that he wants make this all stop?
I want my life back. I want him back. I don't know how to do this. I want to know. I want to fix this.
How can I do this?
Re: I'm fooling myself hardened_heart1970: hello spinning. you cant stop this UNLESS you really see a change in him. but the way it sounds, he is an azzhole.
you can stop it all, but to sacrifice your mental wellbeing, and to have to be a door mat, is it worth it?
trust me, let him play that game. get him in court. he will pay one way or another....... he is playing childish games.....
3 months in. you will see some better light shortly. go no contact with the azzwipe, and it will help you alot better. thats what happened for me. it really works...
holler if you need me. im here. we can all help you. have a good day...
Re: I'm fooling myself jadedangel: [quote author=spinningincircles link=topic=21044.msg196680#msg196680 date=1130681046">
I want my life back. I want him back. I don't know how to do this. I want to know. I want to fix this.
How can I do this?
[/quote">
[color=navy"> I know a bit of how you feel -- I just want it back. I just want my life back -- the one I knew and was sure of a year ago. I want that person who devoted himself to me and promised to always love me.
But -- does this person even exist anymore? You want him back the way you knew him -- is he that person anymore? Sadly, you probably are fooling yourself to think there is a fix for it --- you two have too much hatred and anger .. things have evolved from the loving couple you once were -- Smo-kin is right .. he sounds like a bonified jerk.
I don't know how to do it -- coz I am in the same place as you. But, I think first you have to realize he isn't what you want --- what you had is what you want .. and he has changed too much of himself to have that. It wasn't his right ... but the jerk went ahead and did it anyway. Hang in there -- we are here. [/color">
Re: I'm fooling myself pflow3000: I also know how you feel...wanting things to be back they way they were. Somedays I just know that I will wake up and it will all have been some horrible nightmare...but it isn't.
But there is something that I did get right. I do have to "wake up" and move forward.
I was at a funeral for my grandmother three weeks ago. All I could think of was myself. My grandmother was a beautiful person...I've never known her when she wasn't involved in bettering her life spiritually. And the turnout proved it. But there I was...thinking...that I was dying as well. Wanting someone to look at ME and say "What else is bothering you?" But no one did. So I wallowed in my self-pity. And it does feel like death.
This side of the family which was there at the funeral (bear with me here...) consisted of the tough and the jaded. Everyone there had been through something...most of it brought on by themselves. To make it a bit more clear...I was one of only two pallbearers who had not been to prison. Even one of my uncles who was there was being escorted by two trustees and an officer. The back left side of the funeral home was filled by over thirty members in gang attire. This is NOT the place to show any sign of weakness or emotion.
But there at the front of the church was the man my grandmother left behind. (she had remarried about six years ago) A tough-skinned man who rarely spoke unless it was to give a commanding remark. He was respected because of his toughness. And there he sat...on the opposite side of me...crying....like I've never seen before. Yes crying like I've done many nights to myself...many days while driving for no apparent reason..many times while I'm watching the kids from afar. Crying. But he did it in total anguish without care. He didn't care WHO was watching. It was from the heart. And THAT was loss. He lost someone who had chosen him...and had become his life. She left him...not for some dumb reason like an afair, to feel young, or for some other stupid reason...she left him because it was her time. THAT was loss.
So now I know...that my relationship was NEVER as good (as someone here posted a few days ago) as theirs even in the best of times. And I felt for this man....and it helped to awaken me a bit.
Re: I'm fooling myself alonewith2: Spinning, you just have to hang tight until the court hearing. It will come eventually!! He's just making your life miserable because he's a miserable jerk. He probably feels that if you are happy then something isn't quite right with his "plan." You really need to stick to the no contact. If you need something, go through friends, family, or the lawyers. Do not answer the phone, emails, or the door.
Flow, that was a very touching story that you wrote. Thanks for sharing, and it really hit home with me.
Click More for the next page.
