Getting jolted hudson: So, yesterday I was dinking around on my computer, just trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with it when I came across this little folder tucked away somewhere. It had all these picture of my exwife. JOLT!
It's been a over a year since she walked out the door to visit her mother and never came back. In fact, I never saw her or really spoke with her since. I got a call from her lawyer and he was henceforth the last indirect contact I had with.
So she's a bit of a ghost, this unreal, oft times figment of my imagination because she disappeared so suddenly and completely.
That's why those damn pictures jolted me so hard. It was a blunt reminder that she did happen, she was there in my life as my wife once. She was smiling in those pictures, we were even happy.
Seeing those pictures was a little wake up call. It still hurts, especially when she is drudged up and placed right there in front of me. I'm healing, i'm moving on but she isn't gone. She is still very present in my heart and mind.
Damn, crazy stuff man, I tell you.
that's it.
Re: Getting jolted Wolfman: Dude, all I know is that whoever came into our lives and posed themselves as our wives were only figment of our imagination. All they were....were speed bumps. They really weren't our REAL wives, we have yet to meet them... time is coming up...
Re: Getting jolted hudson: [quote author=Wolfman link=topic=21053.msg196828#msg196828 date=1130706838">
Dude, all I know is that whoever came into our lives and posed themselves as our wives were only figment of our imagination. All they were....were speed bumps. They really weren't our REAL wives, we have yet to meet them... time is coming up...
[/quote">
Yeah, in a way, our marriage was a fantasy that we tried to make real. But no matter how hard either of us tried(it was myself that was trying the hardest though...i think) we couldn't make it real, we couldn't make our marriage work because we weren't supposed to be married. Wrong choice, live and learn.
Re: Getting jolted PiscesGoddess: Blazin-
First off...good to see ya.. been awhile..
anywho..funny..must be a halloween thing..ghosts popping up everywhere.. ::)
Its like we tuck away the ex's in this little closet of our minds and move on doing our thing..and BAM the door fly's open..they say BOO and as you say JOLT..oh yeah..forgot about you...you were a part of my life once werent you? Then we shove that old skeleton back in the closet and put a deadbolt on.
You are right..they stick in the mind and the heart.. my ex is a part of my past..my memories..I talk to him and he makes me remember things I had forgotten..we have a laugh..and go on.. but theres nobody else that can share those memories with you..you can be with someone new..and go remember that time? oh..that wasnt you... :P and good bad or indifferent..they are always going to be there somewhere..like a gnat..you keep swatting at but it wont get out of your face...LOL...
I see Im blathering on here...so I will stop.. and suggest..perhaps that teeny tiny folder was what was screwing up your computer.. ::) and I think sometimes we need those jolts every now and again..if anything to see how far we have came on the journey...lesson learned.
just my 2 bucks...
Pisces G.
Re: Getting jolted hudson: [quote author=PiscesGoddess link=topic=21053.msg196832#msg196832 date=1130707546">
Its like we tuck away the ex's in this little closet of our minds and move on doing our thing..and BAM the door fly's open..they say BOO and as you say JOLT..oh yeah..forgot about you...you were a part of my life once werent you? Then we shove that old skeleton back in the closet and put a deadbolt on.
[/quote">
Hey PG, thanks for the comments. ;D
You know, one of the reasons that I was kinda disturbed and jolted was that I haven't made it a point to bury her memory or lock her away. I have tried my darndest during this whole process to confront her, her memory, and all the painful details that came with my divorce.
So when this pain from seeing her image hit me, I got a little frightened cause I wondered how "over her" and healed and moved-on I really am.
But in a way I think I sat there and stared at those pictures because I wanted to feel something, I was forcing myself to feel the pain and the sadness because I want to get every ounce of it out so that I don't have to deal with it ever again. I want to purge her ghost from my existence.
I've never run from my exwife and her memory, I've always taken every opportunity to confront the painful past so that it won't haunt me when I least expect it.
I think more than anything yesterday was a little self assessment of where I'm at with my process of healing and moving on. Conclusion: I'm doing pretty damn well, thank you very much! :D
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