What is your drug of choice? flyaway: I'm not sure how many of you have read my posts lately, but I guess I have some explaining to do.... :-[
My stbxh left me in April for the second and last time.....since then I have been tearing up the internet and real life......basically being an emotional whore. I have come to the most ugly and difficult conclusion this past week. I am emotionally promiscuous.
Before you jump to any conclusions about my state of mind, let me assure you that I am educated, and book smart......but I think that I may a little closer to being 15 when it comes to relationships. :-[
Now, I am not going to examine the demise of my marriage, and try to figure out if it was truly my fault.....because I'm immature emotionally.....I'm more concerned with my behavior since my marriage ended.
I have behaved in a way that is embarassing, it is hurtful for the other parties involved, and it is most definately NOT ME! Who is this girl that has suddenly become the black widow of emotions, and what has she done with the real me?
My latest conquest, an online relationship that had potential, but I knew was not the right thing, came to an end on Friday night. I told him that I could not continue......that I was not ready for a relationship. This is true. But the whole time before this, I was giving him the impression that I was so into this relationship, ready to jump in with both feet, to the point where he had even booked a flight to come out and see me in two weeks.
:-[ :-[ :-[
What is my problem?
I have toyed with the idea of moving me and my daughters to a convent somewhere in the middle of nowhere. That way I cannot hurt anyone else because of my stupid little games....... or hurt myself. I cried Friday night. For a while. This is stupid.
While I'm playing the "game" I am having a fabulous time, but when I truly sit back and give my head a shake, it hurts. (And I don't mean my head :()
To conclude: I think that emotional affairs are my drug of choice.
What is your drug of choice, and how did you overcome your tendancy to indulge? Please help.
Flyaway...........a totally embarassed and contrite ojarian. :-[
Re: What is your drug of choice? BONILLAK: My drug of choice is my friend "L". He is my emotional crutch right now. The problem is he is a bit afraid of me, he thinks I want a real relationship, he is afraid of being the rebound, afraid of getting hurt, etc. But the real issue is I don't want a relationship right now. I want to see him but I really just want the sex! I tell him I don't want a relationship but he doesn't believe me. I have never been very sexual during my marriage and I refuse to sleep with someone I don't know and "L" is my comfort zone. We have been friends for 6yrs, we have had sex once, we like each other as a person, there has always been an attraction, etc. Most men would be jumping at the chance and here I found one I want sex from with no major strings attached and he has to be the one afraid of getting attached...just my luck. So my drug of choice is "L" and if not 2nd choice this point of my life is Xanax.LOL
Re: What is your drug of choice? Jessy_Miami: [quote author=flyaway link=topic=21060.msg196885#msg196885 date=1130716735">
What is your drug of choice, and how did you overcome your tendancy to indulge? Please help.
[/quote">
What an interesting coincidence. I had just returned from having dinner with my little brother (he's 19, and lives with me after I separated)
And he was asking me about how my wife is behaving so differently, going clubbing every night and having what seems attacks of euphoria when partying (as seen in the photos she sends everyone via MSN) I told Him. Brother, she is a drug addict.
He said.. what????? what kind of drug? I said the one where you need people to constantly assure your beauty and good looks, including big breasts and nice butt. you need that drug every night so you can forget about depression when reality kicks in. In awe he asked why my ex would need something like this.. I simply replied 'avoidance'
So, drugs (in the sense we are talking here) are more distractions from our reality to deeper problems. If you are addicted to emotional affairs it means at some point of your life you felt not loved, either by your parents or husband and now you are getting involved in those to seek acceptance and feel good about yourself.
Re: What is your drug of choice? Falcon554: "So, drugs (in the sense we are talking here) are more distractions from our reality to deeper problems. If you are addicted to emotional affairs it means at some point of your life you felt not loved, either by your parents or husband and now you are getting involved in those to seek acceptance and feel good about yourself."
Wow that makes alot of sence, my wife was abused by her father sexual at age 8, and i ignored her for a bit of time when I got addicted to gaming.
Thats what she is looking for, how damn sad.
Re: What is your drug of choice? alonewith2: Wow, flyaway! This is a really good question!!
First I want to say that you are not alone in your drug of choice. It is the same "drug" that my husband used which led to our first separation. He didn't want relationships with all those women, but he enjoyed the attention, etc while it was happening. He ruined his life because of it. He couldn't control himself and he asked me for help many times. Of course, being the jilted wife, I was caught between wanting to help him and being appalled that he asked! I'm not sure if he has stopped, but I do understand where you are coming from.
For me, my drug of choice during the first separation was obsessing over my motherly/wifely skills. I felt that I must have lacked in these areas which is why my marriage failed. I started buying cook books, making elaborate home cooked meals, cleaning my house from top to bottom, really getting into my children's lives, etc. I was an obsessive woman!! I have retained some of this to a point, but I do not go overboard with it as I had done then.
This separation, my drug of choice would be OJAR! I can't seem to get enough of it. It has taken a lot of my time, and I hate to admit it, but even time away from my children. I'm trying to wean myself from it. I don't post as often as I used to. I don't read every single post either. Now, I just basically read the posts that have the fewest responses or the ones that have an interesting title. Then I just read the replies that come to my email account and that's about it. I only check for new posts every other day or every couple of days. I really need to get back to some sort of normalcy in my life that includes more time with my children and for myself!
Click More for the next page.
