Re: I went to that deep dark place. Never want to go back. turboss: all I can say is God bless you. I feel very in control today. Keyword being today. I thought about taking my whole bottle of xanax too and doing anything else i could do....but, then i thought well damn, that wouldn't bring him back either...then i would just be in the hospital with noone and no where to go to escape....and HE still wouldn't be there...so what is the point? I am not at the point of where I am ready to move on, but I am at the point where I do want to function properly and LIVE...oh do I want to LIVE...trust me sweetie...you do too
turboss
Re: I went to that deep dark place. Never want to go back. PiscesGoddess: Thank God you are okay! and that you realized before it was to late to get help.. I know that feeling of wanting to just take that bottle of pills and make it all go away..not wanting to be dead..but wanting the pain to stop. But you know what? In many cases of suicide..the person was doing just that.. they didnt want to die..they just wanted to get attention.. (recently went through a suicide attempt with my daughter :-\)
It sounds so cheap..but there are happier days..No one is worth your life or your health..EVER! and you can always bear more pain than you think..you just have to hang on.
and like turboss said.. you could take your life and you know what? He wouldnt come back..and even he did..you wouldnt be here to know..
Get some help sweetie..take the best care of yourself that you are able..and let those that care about you do the rest.
Look back at this a year from now and I bet you see things clearer..
PM me if you ever need to talk..
Pisces Goddess
Re: I went to that deep dark place. Never want to go back. ya_crow: Oh BarbJo,
I too have been there, about 5 years ago. I've thought about it a lot since then because it scares me that I got there so easily. It scares me that I let my emotions hurt me so much that to do something like that seemed like a solution. I will never allow myself to go back there again, not even close.
There are a million reasons to keep on fighting this uphill struggle, the most important one is that we will all get to the top of the hill and there are untold joys ahead of us on the other side. I have had so many good times, enjoyed so many things in life in the last 5 years that I would never have experienced if I'd gone through with it.
BarbJo I hope you have scared yourself, I hope you've scared yourself enough to know that you never want to let yourself within a million miles of that deep dark place again. Keep trudging up that hill, some of these days you'll (we'll all) reach the top and be freewheeling down the other side. Use this to motivate yourself to heal if you can. It was a big turning point in my life before, it really made me want to heal as quickly as possible, made all the horrible things I had to do (break ties, no contact etc.) easier because I was doing them for my own self preservation. From that point onwards I realised I needed to accelerate the healing process, I ran, leaving the hurt behind me where as before I strolled away, occasionally looking back to see if it was still there.
You are worth every good experience that lies ahead of you, don't ever contemplate cheating yourself out of that hun.
