Newbie~Am I really over this? IlliniGirl: Well, I figured that this would be the place to start.....tell my story......My story sounds like many others here......I have lurked and read and thought about my situation, and finally decided that I should come in and pull up a chair.
I was married to my high school sweetheart. He was a senior, and I a sophmore when we met. All our friends hung out together, we pal'd around with the same group all the time. We thought we were inseparable. Got through high school, he graduated college...we were engaged. Wedding came around the following fall......we were supposed to be happy right?
The verbal abuse started right after the wedding. We weren't home from our honeymoon for a week when it started. Telling me I was dumb for wanting to finish school. Telling me that I was fat and needed to go on a diet. Telling me that I would never be able to leave him because I wasn't good enough for anyone else.
The following year, before our first anniversary, we bought our house. He moved me an hour away from everything I had known. Yes, an hour doesn't seem like much, but I am family oriented, and I was far away from them. I didn't get to see my parents and brothers as much as I wanted to. I would go to see them, and he would have a fit. Telling me that I didn't love him, otherwise I wouldn't leave to go to my mom and dad's.
Then about that time, the physical stuff started. Not a lot, but a smack here and there.
Re: Newbie~Am I really over this? qualt: are you still married? and do you still live with him because if you do the smacks here and there will turn into something more. I hope to God you dont still live with the asshole.
Re: Newbie~Am I really over this? lilly10: This is awful to read things like this. People can be so cruel. Please if you have not aleady get out of this relationship. This person belittled you so he could have control and power over you. This a$$hole needs some help and you need to get away. I'm sure he may tell you he will change and so on but dont wait for that. You are so much better then this! Take a stand for yourself alot of times that puts people like him where they belong.
Re: Newbie~Am I really over this? IlliniGirl: I didn't finish last night, because I started to have somewhat of a panic attack. Hate when that happens.....
I did leave him. I found out I was pregnant in May of 2003, and he was mad about it....not like I climbed on top of myself and did it alone.....got into a fight, and he did hit me then too......when I finally did get in to the doctor, I was 22 weeks, and sadly delivered her in the office. They couldn't do anything, so my daughter died in my arms that day. That was June 6, 2003. He was NOT there for me at all, and it still affects me to this day. She should have been born that September, so she would be 2.....I think often of what she would look like and what she would be like. Man I miss my Kyleigh.
I found out in February of the following year, 2004, that he had started an affair with a woman after his mom died in October of 2003. I told him that I was leaving him, and he hit me hard enough that he knocked me out. I moved out in March of 2004, and the divorce was final in April of 2004. It's been over for 18months, and there are times I think that I am okay, and there are times that I wonder if I will ever recover.
I have a boyfriend now, and he is WONDERFUL! He treats me like my ex never dreamed of, but I wonder if my heart is too damaged to ever totally recover. C is a wonderful guy, and I love him with all my heart, but I have to admit, I am worried that in some way I deserved what I got from my ex. I wasn't the best wife, I think maybe I could've done more to make him happy.
I often think of the things we used to fight over and wonder if there was something more I should have done. C tells me all the time that I am wonderful and that he loves me more than anything, and I truly believe that he does. I am just worried that something in me will cause things to change. I love this man. I do. I love him with all my heart and soul.
Based on my previous relationship though, is that enough? Will my loving him be enough to make us last? We talk more than my ex and I did, and we discuss things that bother us and that's something that the ex and I didn't do.
Like I said, sometimes I feel like I have moved on, and that I am over my ex, but can one really ever be over something like that?
Re: Newbie~Am I really over this? ya_crow: [quote author=IlliniGirl link=topic=21068.msg197130#msg197130 date=1130783968">
but I have to admit, I am worried that in some way I deserved what I got from my ex. I wasn't the best wife, I think maybe I could've done more to make him happy.
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You must never ever think this. No one "deserves" any less than what you now have in your new relationship. Your ex was an a$$h*le - never forget that, anyone who treats you like that doesn't deserve to be with you.[quote author=IlliniGirl link=topic=21068.msg197130#msg197130 date=1130783968">
Based on my previous relationship though, is that enough? Will my loving him be enough to make us last?
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Don't compare your old and new relationship, it sounds like C is a good person, don't compare him or associate what you have with him and your old relationship. Enjoy his love, love him like you've never been hurt before and hope that it all works out. You cannot drag old issues into new relationships without risking damaging what you have. Yes we must learn from our mistakes but only to make sure we don't make the same mistakes again. Don't allow your past mistakes to dampen the excitment of this new love with what you think is a good man.
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