Re: How do you know? mlkmn: [quote author=Targ link=topic=21076.msg197064#msg197064 date=1130773503">
My wife was the one to leave, saying she hoped that in 4-5 months she'll realize what a horrible choice she'd made and we'd get back together. As much as it hurts, I've decided to move forward as if there is no chance of reparation, I really don't want to spend the next 6 months in desparation. As well as I know my wife from all of our years together, I know she's comitted to her decision; our marraige is a sinking ship, and I've decided I'd rather dive off and risk drowning than spend the next couple of years bailing. It's agonizing to do, but from what we've recently went though, so much trust has been lost...any attempt to rebuild in the future would be nearly like starting over anyway.
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I agree %100 targ, That is why I filed first. I am fully prepared for the worst. Nothing new can hurt me, nothing will suprize me.
Re: How do you know? SunnyFlower: I don't think hope is a bad thing, as long as she's leading you to believe (and ACTING accordingly) that the two of you may reconcile.
I'm sorry if I'm not familiar with your story, so I may be way off here.
I'll agree with the others though that if she's NOT giving you any reason to believe that your relationship may be salvageable, you may need to quit hoping to ease your tortured heart. I know it's not what you want to hear, but hanging onto a )false) hope will only delay the healing process.
My 0.02.
Re: How do you know? jadedangel: [quote author=crushedman link=topic=21076.msg196978#msg196978 date=1130737655">
I'm not specifically referring to my original post, I'm referring to many posts. The general response that people get is that "He/she has already moved on. He/She is not grieving the relationship."
Is it always this way. I can't help it- I have to hope that she will come back. I miss the hell out of her.
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[color=navy"> I think ... I still have hope harbored away for the thought he will come back. It is my heart -- the one that can't give up the memories. I also think it is why I can't move on. I absolutely miss him -- the him I was in love with. I don't know that it can be helped --- when we didn't make the choice --- and have to live with the consequences -- we have to wonder why it can't be back to how it was.
But, the really sad thing is ... In my head, I know by all complete logic -- he isn't coming back. It was his choice to leave -- I have begged him multiple times to return. He has no sorrow in what he did. To hear the words "I don't love you anymore" .... When I asked him .. why her, over me? My answer --> we have similiar interests and she is "clingy" like me. I was floored ---- so now he claims we don't have similiar interests and that I wasn't 'clingy' enough for him. (I won't go on about that) ... My point --> your ex will see things how they want to .. despite the years of memories that actually happened. It honestly ... singes at the strings of my heart. But, the hope I had for his return ... forced me to pry the words out of his mouth. Don't let your hope break your heart -- more than your ex already has. [/color">
Re: How do you know? RSGinATX: [quote author=crushedman link=topic=21076.msg196978#msg196978 date=1130737655">
I'm not specifically referring to my original post, I'm referring to many posts. The general response that people get is that "He/she has already moved on. He/She is not grieving the relationship."
Is it always this way. I can't help it- I have to hope that she will come back. I miss the hell out of her.
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One thing to keep in mind when looking at your/our ex's behavior is that people rarely make a big change like this suddenly. We perceive them as having moved on quickly because to us, the whole 'moving on' process started around the time of separation. This is not necessarily true of our SO's. They often have been considering the thought of breaking it off for quite some time and by the time we hit that point they've cemented in their minds that that is the correct course of action. As such, they might be resistant to counseling or may enter new relationships even before the actual split.
It would be nice to go back to the point the thought first entered their minds so we could all work it out back then. Unfortunately it serves as a huge lesson in how important communication is in a relationship.
Re: How do you know? moonshine: crushed man,
people dont just leave for no reason. to make such a major decision, they have obviously put alot of thought into it. if its temporary, they will come back. if they dont come back, then you have your answer. they are most certainly not effected by you begging them back or not.
the most important thing you have to do is move on with the notion that they are NOT coming back, because you have to look after YOU and not let someone else control your happiness. dont sit and wait for them to come back, because in all likelyhood they wont.
youre going to be sad, but you should minimize the amount time youll be sad by keeping no contact and by moving on with your life. if i had done that over a year ago, id be a happy man today but no....i wanted to hope that she would come back and focus my life on that, and i held myself back and made my life even more miserable. not to mention i lost alot of pride and manhood.
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