wife stopped by... stayed for dinner... Irony: wife stopped by to pick up her stuff last night.. will need to make several trips.. I was cheery and perky.
I may have made a mistake but asked her if she wanted to stay for dinner.
Mistake? I am doubting it by how well it all went.
I don't know how to handle this all..wanted to hug and hold her but kept a friendly distance and kept a happy exterior, all the while breaking inside.
it was really nice to see her..... sad, but nice.
She had dinner with us and we laughed and talked a bit about 'stuff", and then she and I sat out on the front porch and caught up on our respective weeks. I was careful not to bring up any relationship stuff.
I was upbeat, interested, maintained good eye contact, and let her speak mostly (big change for me)
She told me that the week had been hard for her, with a lot of emotional stuff and anxiety going on.. I listened intently but didn't press or pressure her and didn't talk about our relationship at all. I let her know how well things were going for me and smiled a lot in a friendly concerned way.
It was difficult to keep up the front because I was dying inside but I think it went well.. I made sure I ended the event before she did, and told her I had to go the the men's room. When she got up to leave, she extended her hand to shake and we shook hands and she came to me and gave me a hug.
Boy was that a HUGE plus!
I want her to see a confidant, strong, reliable man who might just be worth keeping. <fingers crossed>
Won't see her now until our counseling appointment on Tuesday afternoon.
Dianne, please come home.
Re: wife stopped by... stayed for dinner... PiscesGoddess: I dont think it was a mistake at all to ask her to stay for dinner..I know you had to be hurting inside like crazy..but you made the effort ..and it sounds as if you both were able to have a rational adult conversation.. :)
Im hoping for the best for you..and that the counseling session goes well.. and even if she doesnt come home..at least you know you gave it your all.
Good luck!
Pisces
Re: wife stopped by... stayed for dinner... Irony: Thanks, PG,
I've thought a lot about it since last night and I thinki it was definitely the right thing to do..she looked tired and like she had had a rough time this week. I got myself really presentable and nicely dressed before she came over, in some new clothes she hadn't seen me in before.
I could tell she wanted to stay and talk some more, but I ended the encounter before she did.. (don't want to appear clingy and needy)
As for counseling session, we are oset up guidelines for 'controlled separation"
Google that one... it's very interesting.
If I go down in flames I will have the satisfaction of knowing I did my b est.
How are things with you this morning?
Re: wife stopped by... stayed for dinner... PiscesGoddess: Irony-
You honestly sound like one of the most level headed people I have ever seen on here.. Kudos to you for being so mature! (which sounds funny ..considering you ARE an adult :P) but really.. a lot of guys would have used the situation as a manipulation tactic and you didnt.. Perhaps she can see you in a new light.. I would like to believe there is always hope :)
As for controlled seperation..yes I will have to google that one..lol
oh Im fine btw..Happy Halloween! ;D
Keep me posted ;)
PG
Re: wife stopped by... stayed for dinner... Irony: Not sure how level headed I am right now. I've read enough on what it takes to make a marriage/relationship work in the past few months to know that what I had been doing was enough to push her right out the door and into her own "space"
Everything from Dr. Phil's "Relatioinship Rescue" to "Divorce Remedy" I am doing the Divorce remedy "Last Resort Technique" .. even have a DB coach i strategize with each week. it is virtually my last resort.
I've pretty much come to the conclusion that this is one of the maybe 10% of cases where there is no one waiting in the wings for her, and am doing everything I can do to make myself back into the person she fell in love with. I never realized how far down I had fallen until recently. Trying really hard to get a life of my own that doesn't include her. Trying to live my life as if.. as if I never met her and fell in love with her.. as if I may never see her again.. as if she's never coming back. All the while though, acting AS IF she is coming back. Looking at this like if she doesn't come back home it will be her loss, and in any case, I'll be a better person for the effort. Either way I can't lose I guess.
I know that sounds paradoxical, but that's my strategy and I'm sticking to it. ;-p
Glad you are doing well today.
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