Did marriage councelling helpful for you, and how? Sparky: Hi Everyone,
Those of you who've been through marriage councelling-did you find it worthwhile? I am on the fence about it right now. Largely, this is because while I would like to learn how I played a part in our coming apart, and how to communicate better. I'm not interested in going to therapy in order to save our marriage.
Not at this point. I can't help feeling like we'd be shelling out money we don't have to be told things we already know about our marriage.
It's sorta beyond the point as he has refused to go to therapy w[me=Sparky"> thus far. Perhaps some arm twisting is in order. Things are pretty distant.[/me">
Should I tell him my reasons for wanting to go to therapy? It means telling him I'm thinking of wanting out of our marriage. I'm scared. This is all new to me. This is my first long term relationship, so I don't even have the "benefit" of having ended a major relationship before.
I'd just like to go so we can take a long hard look at our marriage. So we can both get a glimpse of what went right, what went wrong, and what to never, ever, do again. Sorry for blathering on.
Emotionally, I'm all over the freaking place today
Sparky
Re:Did marriage councelling helpful for you, and how? Eyelo: Sparky,
I saw your post on counseling and thought I would share my experiences. I have gone on 3 separate occasions with my wife, all of which were at my request. The main purpose of marriage counseling is to attempt to work out the problems that are in the marriage. Usually, they are in business to save marriages not dissolve them. I too am thinking about leaving my marriage and have wrestled with the question to give counseling one more try. Not wanting to just throw away what we have, I approached my wife one last time about it and she is refusing at this point.
Would it have done any good? Well, it has been my experience, that after counseling things get a little better for a while but soon the old patterns resurface and things go back to the where they were. So in my case it probably would not of worked even if she had agreed. I guess it was my last ditch effort to save our marriage.
Relationships patterns that we develop are very hard to break and unless both people are very willing and consciously work toward breaking the patterns, they will come back. Both people need to take responsibility to make things work. We are unable to break the patterns that we developed over the years.
From your post, it sounds like you have pretty much made up your mind that you want out of the marriage. It sounds like your are seeking questions of why the marriage failed and what can you do to make sure it does not happen again. It sounds like you are also seeking a way to tell your husband that you want out of the marriage. If that is the case, I would suggest individual counseling. They should be able to help guide you to the answers you seek.
I hope this helps a little.
E
Re:Did marriage councelling helpful for you, and how? galil: Never had the chance :-\
Re:Did marriage councelling helpful for you, and how? JDorn: I went 3 times together with my wife, and I've gotta agree with the earlier post that its better to go on your own. The joint sessions I went to didn't help at all even though I kept trying to reach out and explain why i felt the way I felt.
Since i started going alone I seem to be learning more about myself, which is very helpful in determining how my marriage fell apart through the actions of both of us.
JD
Re:Did marriage councelling helpful for you, and how? barelybreathing: I never had a chance too, despite my valiant requests.
Yes, both parties have to be in alignment for counseling to work.
BB
