She has left what decision to make? malex1984: Hi Guys,
I'll fill you in with the background of our relationship, we have broken up after 5 years together and we lived together for 3 years.
We are both young (21yrs old) and i lived with her family for a year before we moved out together. I always thought that we had a great relationship as did everyone around us who knew us well, her family treated me like a son and still do.
It all appeared to start after our 5 year anniversary together which was great, she started going out with some new people from work mainly one guy and his friends. We had such trust in our relationship that i never doubted her fidelity at any stage, one night she didnt come home from going out and i got worried and upset. When she did come home the next day about lunchtime i wasn't speaking to her because i was angry, after a few hours of not speaking we had an argument about it all and she said that she just doesnt want to be in a relationship any more and wants to go and live her life, she wanted to go on a break for a while. I was really taken back by this and really hurt and we agreed that we would work on things together because we both loved each other.
A few weeks passed of spending quality time together and also time with friends going out and she decided that she wanted to break up, she didnt want to move out of the house just sleep in a seperate bedroom and we could just do our own thing, i didnt agree to this as i loved her so bad i couldnt bare to live together and have her come and go.
I pleaded with her to speak to her family and good friends about this because she hadnt discussed it with anyone that knew us well except for this one guy who advised her to dump me now. I said all relationships have down parts and it is normal to feel like that but we could get through it because we had worked through so much before
After speaking to her mum she was told that it would just hurt me too much and she would need to move out if that is what she wanted to do, no one really expected her to actually move out.
Within a week she had found a place to live and had moved out, i was devastated and not once during this period did i see her cry or get upset which really upset me after so many years of happiness.
Since she has moved out i am pretty sure that she is now seeing that guy from work, she has changed alot and turned into a real party girl. She no longer speaks to her family and just gone out by herself.
I was really devastated finding it hard to eat and get out of bed, i have moved past that and now i trying to get back to being normal with life. I still miss her every day and think about how she is doing.
Recently within the last week she has begun contacting me again and i have spent some time with her, i feel really awkward around her and just wish things could be the same again but i know deep down they never will.
Everyone says i just need to stay away from here and resist contact because it will hurt me more, she wants to work on a friendship and i do want her in my life but i dont think i can handle it.
It has been 2.5 months since she moved out, should i be more over her than i am? and able to work on a friendship or as hard as it is should i just stay away and try to have no contact.
Re: She has left what decision to make? brandyrobin710: Dear Malex,
I can relate to your situation completely. My ex turned from a loving and adoring mate to a "party boy." He left everything we shared for almost two years for a life of drinking, girls, and maybe even drugs. He moved out of "our" house a month ago and I haven't spoken to him in three weeks. In fact, he intentionally avoids me (which confuses me terribly). The last time he and I spoke he also mentioned remaining friends because we were so close. He was my best friend as well as my lover. I just couldn't do it then but I am considering reaching out to him as a friend now. It will hurt to be his friend though. It's really tearing me up inside because I want him to be a part of my life yet I don't want to see his life get turned upside down. I love him too much to watch his decline. Do you know what I mean?
I know it is a bit different for you. She's only 21 and probably doesn't really know what she wants out of life yet. That's what my ex (Derek) told me. He said that he wants to spend time with his friends before he gets too old to have fun (WHATEVER). He will be 25 in two weeks. I can completely relate to how you are feeling. We had loving and beautiful relationships and then BOOM....gone. It's hard to deal with when it ends this way. His family was confused. I was thinking that it was me but it's not. It's not us, Malex. They have issues they have to work out in their life. The one thing that keeps me going is that one day they will think of what they lost. I know they will. Someone will hurt them. They will get lonely. By the time they remember us, we will have managed a life without them. I may be barely managing a life but a life without him none-the-less.
I know how you feel, sweetie. I love Derek now and forever. He was the "one" for me and he got lost on our path to forever. I will go on and never forget him but for right now I have to put things in perspective. He has chosen a different path that I'm not willing to walk with him. Malex, let her go. I'm in three weeks of no contact and I get really WEAK. I even contemplated calling him a couple of days ago and I really fought it. I'm on my way and talking to him will only set me back. Try no contact if you can't handle a friendship right now. I know that I can't handle a friendship right now because my love hasn't changed for him. Perhaps you and I will one day be friends with them, but until that is possible...no contact is best. Trust me on this one. This is coming from someone who still cries everyday and prays he comes back everyday. I just know how much it will set me back if I see him or talk to him. I'm with you, sweetie. We're going to be okay. Look at all the people we have at OJAR to support us. We are really lucky to have the support here. I've been so thankful for these people. Feel free to PM me or send me an email. I'll be happy if we can make it through this together :)
Re: She has left what decision to make? lost enigma: Oh hun,
No there is no set time for when you should be over someone. You loved her to death. I know how that feels. I know how it feels to have this thrown at you out of nowhere.
Something I am learning, don't trust the outings with the coworkers. It's never platonic....
IM me if you need anything.
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Re: She has left what decision to make? malex1984: yeh i know what you mean with the co workers thing, you just never picture the person you love so dearly cheating on you and then leaving, especially when you have built such trust between each other
I look at this other guy and we are complete opposites in every single way and never in a million years would i picture her going for a guy like him, but i guess that is what she wants at this stage of her life and as much as it kills me to admit i have to let her go and do that
Re: She has left what decision to make? lost enigma: How are you doing now?
Still finding weekends hard?
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