My story mwdguru: Well this is my story! I have been married for 3-1/2 years, have a beautiful 2-1/2 year old daughter, and recently separated and waiting on divorce.
I work in the Oil & Gas industry as an Engineer, and am gone away from home alot, although I happen to do quite well financially...
My upheaval began when I started working on land and not offshore. Shortly after I started working on land in the state of Texas, the wife began to distance herself from me, I would ask how much money was in the checking account and she would pitch a fit and become agrumentative. Not too long after this I began to watch the account a little more closely and noticed 1500 spent in a month at wal-mart w/nothing new in the house to show for it! During this time, is when shit hit the fan!!
I was home for 4 days when, during this time, I washed, waxed, and detailed my personal truck, my company truck, and her car, (8hours/day/vehicle)!! I noticed a bad tire on her car so I told her that I had to leave monday and for her to drive my truck.. I came home 2 weeks later when I was moving the vehicles around and her car only had 1/4 tank of gas. I enquired and she stated she had been on a joy ride.. However after an investigation the truth came out that her siater was using her car.. Her sister is almost 50 yrs old, and is/was not my responsibility!
If she would have had a wreck in the car we could have been sued and lost everything we own! I was a little pissed at the lying about it, however I was in the wrong to, for during this time the truth came out that when I was away that I slept with other women...
Not anyone on a serious level or anything, just sleeping with an attractive woman I would happen to meet, and that would be it... I told her I was sorry and we tried to work through it.. (however, I believe that it is to be true that if there would not have been no issues within the relationship that noe of this would have happened to go on).
During this time that I had to fess up about everything we make up, and then I leave to South Texas right on the Rio Grande border! Well here the shit goes again!!! She begins to bitch at me and so forth, so I run across the Rio Grande into Mexico and purchase some medication for my nerves, (Valium to be precise).. This helped my nerves but I also purchaesed something that I did not know what it was and it put me into a state as to where I could not perform my job! I had to go to the house and at this point I seen a councilor for all of this...
A few weeks later, I go back to work and do the best I could possibely do, however I had stigmatized myself amongst the managers!! I stay with the company for a year and was released, however I was still relying on Valium during this time, upon being released I relied heavily upon Valium for my nervesand dealing with everyday life...
A few weeks later I begin to work for another company as an independent contractor, where a few weeks into the job my urinalysis came back + for valium.. At this point I realized that it was time to clean up my act, and I quit cold turkey with the drugs! About 2 months later, after I was completely + that I was clean I accepted another position with the company I am with now and have been doing quite well being drug free!!
Please note that during my time of being w/o a job, no one in my family went with out, it was like I was on vacation for all of the bills were paid on time and no one went hungry etc.!
Upon taking the job I am at now, I was gone away from home for 35 days straight working.. When I got home I took the wife out to eat for lunch, and dinner the next night, cooked outside on the grill the next night and had the neighbors over, we all had a great time! This is where it gets started though!! During this time I happened to find an 80 mg. time released Oxycontin on the extra bed room floor!!! I was livid!!! When I found the pill, I contacted poison control, they told me what it was, I then woke her up, and brought it to her attantion! I asked her who had been inside the house, and she said her mom and her neice.. I asked if there had been a terminally ill cancer patient in side the house and she said no, then I told her that a drug addict had been inside the house!!!
I told her that if the baby would have put this highly addictive, deadly drug inside her mouth that it would have killed her!!! The next day I ggo to the library and verify that it is in fact the Oxycontin, and it was!!!
Re: My story mwdguru: After verifying that it was the drug it was, I go home and tell her, and ask her again as to whom had been in the house! She still did not fess up! At this point I said I was contacting the DEA and going to let them handle it! So she fessed up and said it was her sister! I then said, I have no more questions. She contects her sister, it sounds as though her sister denies everything, I go outside and she brings the phone to me. I listen to her sister, then I tell her like it is.. She hands the phone to her hubbie, who sounds higher than a fucking kite, I put the phone down to my shoulder and ask the wifes permission if it is OK if I close the book and tell them to never come on my premises again. She says it is ok. I tell them, and put the phone down, she gives me a hug and a kiss, and tells me I did a great job. The next day I leave to go to work on an offshore location.. The 4th day I speak to the wife and she acts as though I am the bad person, she states, "You are trying to break up my family!!!" Later she states, "you are the drug addict, you are this and that etc..... I come home from the job on September 13, call her and she was distant, when she comes home she was distant, later that night we get into it, and then I am gone.. 7 days later she files for divorce!! We did not speak for over a month... When we did have a few transactions of any kind it was via e-mail.. We spoke on the phone a few times... I gave her the money she asked for b/w the time that she filed for divorce, and the time that we went to court, and they determined I pay 1050/month child support and 475 temporary spousal support, I pay this on time... A week ago she had tha audacity to send a letter to the house of my mother stating I owed her 750 in retro!! I went to my attorney and my attorney said, "Bullshit!" I let my attorney have a copy of all transactions that the wife had received... The wife also states that she is going to buy me out on my portion of the house, given her income of 30/yr, I think this is an absurd idea!! The house note is approcimately 1000/month!! w/a value of 140,000! There is no way that one can get approved with an income of such! I am also at wonder as to how she has managed this long to stay current on all bills!
Re: My story mwdguru: I am at wonder as to or if there is anything I can do to resolve this marriage.. I truly love my prescious 2-1/2 year old daughter for we are very close! I desperately want her to live in a nice neighborhood, attend a nice school, have a nice education and live a prsperous life!! I know that this will not be possible with the wife and being raised in a 1 parent household!!
I am at wonder as to if there is anything I can do to remedy this situation that seems sooooo hopeless. This is my 1st marriage, and her 2nd, I am college educated w/a 4yr degree, she has a high school diploma. I am 32, she is 37. Her 1st marriage lasted roughly 6 years, where this one lasted roughly a tad over 3-1/2.. Her mother was a strong factor in the destruction of the first marriage, as well as a strong factor in this one as well! If there was a reconciliation I would be willing to move the wife and baby to houston TX. away from the dreaded inlaws.. I would arrange it to where she would not have to work for a few months, until she got settled, and see how that worked out, or she could find a job there in the city... There are many more opportunities in TX than there are in Louisiana anyway... This is the only way that the marriage would have a chance I feel.... Correct me if I am wrong!! I am willing to take blame, but external factors have played a great deal in the dissoval of my marriage!! PLEASE NOYE!:: She CURRENTLY has more than anyone else in her family!! You could place her parents house in our living room!!! I have often wondered if her poor family was only jealous of our prosperity! I have always and always will work my ass off, to the point of insanity!! I want alot out of life and want to get ahead, maybe this is where her and I do not see eye to eye... She states I am obsessed w/money, but she is the one that always wants and wants and wants....
I am willing to study some books on Psychology to work on things... However, it really blows my mind for her to actually think that she can actually afford to live there and buy me out.. I still have everything of mine there except some clothes. I possessed quite a bit of stuff berofre the marriage, like the WHOLE BEDROOM Suit in the master bedroom!! Not to mention when we go to divide the assetts up that were acquired during the marriage. She came to the marriage with nothing as far as furniture, I came with quite a bit! She will not speak on dividing things up! We have not spoken on the house with the exception of her lies... I am reluctant to take my belonmgings for fear of leaving my baby girl in a desolate pretty much bare household!! Any ideas as to what to do? How to handle this? Is there a way to remedy this?? Any ideas as to why she would even want the stuff that is mine? I know that if it was me and I truly wanted the other person out of my life then I would be pushing the other person to get there stuff out of the house! Any ideas on this?? Thank you for your time and consideration, and I appreciate all ideas on this/these issues at hand..
Re: My story manda: First of all, I know you are hurting. It is painful to have your family falling apart. I may say some tough things here, but I do want you to know that everyone who is hurting deserves to have a place to go for support. OJAR is a great place for that. So welcome.
A very small detail: I don't understand why you think she can't afford the house based on her 30K job and child support/alimony. I'm a little confused about that because my house payment is 1100 a month and I only make 34,000 myself. I also get some support for my child (not as much as you are paying) and I am making it--it's tight, but I'm making it. I think she could make it on that, but maybe there are other things that are high expenses. Not sure. One thing though: I think you'd rather the child stay in a nice place.
A few other things: Infidelity ruins a marriage. It just ruins it. It can never be the same again. What you have to do is three things: show remorse and MEAN it, allow her to check in on you until the trust comes back, and never have contact with any of those ladies again--ever. (Marriagebuilders.com)
There seems to be a bigger problem though: a power struggle. Although it isn't much of one. I think you do not share any of the power in this marriage. It is your way only and you are always right. Afterall, you make the money and she comes from "that family". I'm not trying to make you feel bad, just aware of how it seems you are lording over her. Maybe it will save your marriage to look at it differently. For example: discussing a move with her is okay, saying "we are gong to move and here are the details:" is a different one.
This marriage could maybe be saved with therapy but I think you need to go on your own as well because you will take these issues with you into your next marriage.
Good luck.
Re: My story manda: I think I understand now. She couldn't have the house put into her own name most likely because when she went to refinance it into her name, she wouldn't be approved.
Oh, I see. Yes. That would be a problem. My EX is not making me put my own 140,000 dollar home in just my name, yet... When he does, my father will probably have to sign with me. i have that option, she probably doesn't.
Okay. Sorry.
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