not trusting lexi1012: I think that it is true that we should give ourselves a good long time before we get involved with someone else. I didn't wait very long. I met a really great guy and we saw each other quite a few times and e-mail regularly. However, I have not been able to trust him at all. We haven't seen each other in awhile and I get the feeling he has just been stringing me along. We were supposed to meet for lunch yesterday and he cancelled because of some work thing. However, I think he was lying. I know it might just be me that is having difficulty trusting him and I could be wrong.
My ex manipulated me a lot and played games - made me believe things that weren't true. We have been separtated only 3 months so I am far from over the pain and have barely begun to adjust to the situation - we were married nine years and together almost 13.
So maybe I should just end it completely with this new guy or at least tell him I will contact him in a few months. We don't see each other much anyway. I think the stress is too much
Re: not trusting lonelywithouthim: I agree. Jumping into a relationship with someone else so fast was a disaster for me, and now we aren't even able to be friends because of the trust issue. I'm left with a broken heart once again. :'(
Re: not trusting Trying2Hope: Rule of life: Never Trust Anyone
Re: not trusting Spectrum: Lexi,
I wouldn't doubt yourself. The one thing that has been hammered home to be again, and again, and AGAIN since my divorce is that I should trust my radar.
I can't tell you how much heartache I would have saved myself over the last two years if I could just stop second-guessing my radar or stop making excuses for guys who do things that deep-down just don't feel right to me.
A few lessons I've learned on trust:
1. If you're uncomfortable or untrusting, there is a reason for it. And chances are, the reason *isn't* paranoia, it is your subconscious telling you something important..... and as a disclaimer, even if it *is* paranoia, you should still listen to it, because you're not ready to be in the relationship.
2. Anyone who EVER makes comments on you being paranoid is f*cking you over. Guaranteed. 100%. Don't even think twice about it- dump 'em and run like hell.
3. Anyone who makes jokes about you being jealous or about meeting other girls needs to be dumped. Guaranteed. 100%. If they're joking about these things, it is clearly *not* because you're actually jealous- if you were, they'd know you'd fly off the handle if they make comments like this.
4. Anyone who is less than 100% forthcoming about other women who approach them (or women they have dated, for that matter) is fucking you over. Guaranteed. 100%. They are secretive because they know they'll get in trouble and/or will get dumped if you have enough pieces to put the puzzle together.
This is all the benefit of my experience, and has proved itself many times over. Unfortunately, I *know* these facts, but my naive and hopelessly romantic side insists on trying to explain them away when I most need to be paying attention to them.
I guess I can sum all this up with one nice little analogy..... When on the water, if you have functional radar and a good map, only an idiot would go with GPS instead.
In other words, follow your gut. Your mind might have lots of tricks and gadgets, but in the end your gut is the more accurate piece of equipment here.
Spectrum.
Re: not trusting JimB: [quote author=Trying2Hope link=topic=21544.msg201701#msg201701 date=1131871495">
Rule of life: Never Trust Anyone
[/quote">
Rule #2: Know when it's time to rescind Rule #1.
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