stuck in limbo.... need a little advice EssieDotCom: most of you here know me, but to re-cap the story, a few months ago my husband told me that he didnt love me like he use to and had lost passion for me. TO which he added we needed to seperate, at one point, around Labor day weekend we were suppose to seperate but I made a last plea (out of the love I had for him) as I'd done many times before and he'd changed his mind. During that course of a 4 week time, I decided that the lack of him spending time with me (spending more than half of his free time with his GAME), the last of love and attention, practially having to beg for attention etc.... was enough and I realized that we did need to seperate, so I took it upon myself to bring it up again and I moved back home to my home state with my 3 children. Now he told me that "he didn't know what he wanted out of our marriage," and that was the reason why he agreeded that i should move back home, but he told his parents, my parents and anyone else who was nosey enough that we were moving back here because he had a busy schedule this year and the coming year for his job (he's in the military) and that he wanted the kids and I to be near family. Okay, partly this is true, he has a busy schedule this year and the coming, but he wanted us to move here bc he doesnt knwo what he wants out of this marriage. Now that I'm here and getting all settled in, adjusting to being on my own, I am starting to feel like he's leaving me in limbo. I know that he does no love me like he use to, refuses marriage couseling, and says there is no passion left, but insists on haning onto the idea that the kids and i are only hear for h is "Busy scheudle". A few days ago he emailed me from the ship asking me if it was okay for him to come up here for christams to spend time with the kids. to which I replied that I wasnt sure what I wanted, that he should do what he wants; but this is where I'm lost. Bc i know i"m getting over this hump and when i dont talk to him or hear from him I'm 100% better. And if I have to see him again I don't think I can hold my strong point. I am wanting to tell him that I'm tired of him leaving me in limbo, and that I think that maybe filing for a legal seperation is the best way to go about this. I don't want to hurt any more, and i don't want to hang in limbo anymore. Is it wrong for me to feel this way about things? Should i tell him he should go to his Grandparents for xmas and take the kids there to spend a few days with them? I don't really want him here, I don't really want to face him right now. SHould i tell him i want to file for a legal seperation? or should I leave myself hanging in limbo???? i hate feeling like the left overs sitting in the fridge just waiting on a midnight snack. I want to be loved again, loved with all the passion he once had for me, and i know someone out there someday will love me again like this. It may not be now or right away, but I dont want to be in limbo anymore.Please help me :'(
Re: stuck in limbo.... need a little advice Erin: You can't stay in limbo like this any longer.
Your husband sounds like he is in denial about this. You need to call him out and file for a legal separation. It is not a divorce, just a separation agreement and you need to take control of the situation.
You deserve to be loved, and in a passionate relationship. He can not proviide that for you anymore. He WAS that person and he is NOT that person now. I know how hard that is to accept, and see that they are the same person. I still struggle with it everyday.
You need to take care of yourself and your kids. If you can't handle seeing him at Christmas then take them to their grandparents. Once you start looking out for yourself and know that this is NOT YOUR FAULT, but his and his issues, each day becomes a little easier.
I know how hard it is babe, but when you start moving in that direction it really helps.
Re: stuck in limbo.... need a little advice EssieDotCom: Thank you spinning, i feel like i"m spinning in circles right now myself. My stbx husband's mother is down here for the weekend, so she could spend time with the kids. I feel so uncomfortable around her! She noticed I am not wearing my wedding band. But I don't think she gets what is going on between STBX and myself. He can't even tell his own mother the truth about how he feels about me. I thought she would ask me about things but she hasn't said a word. Maybe she feels she's better off not knowing. No clue.....I just can't wait for her to leave to go back home tomorrow. sounds cruel, but I dont' feel comfortable around her at all. :-\
Re: stuck in limbo.... need a little advice RSGinATX: [quote author=EQwidowX2B link=topic=21550.msg201577#msg201577 date=1131829455">
Now that I'm here and getting all settled in, adjusting to being on my own, I am starting to feel like he's leaving me in limbo. I know that he does no love me like he use to, refuses marriage couseling, and says there is no passion left....[/quote">
If he's not going to work with you to fix the marriage then you're not left with much choice but to start ending it. The only way to get out of limbo is to move forward and he's not giving you much choice in which way to go. File for separation...shake it up, break the inertia, see what happens.
Re: stuck in limbo.... need a little advice EssieDotCom: i told him in an email (since I can't call him or talk to him on the phone, he's on the ship), today, that I felt that we should get a legal seperation and that this is my judgment of thinking on what has happened between us and what he's said to me about things. If there was anything in his heart that I need to hear it because if I don't I will know that my decission is right. I feel that I don't want to be left like this anymore.
