Re: Want me or Not? Lumpy: [quote author=ga_sunshyne link=topic=21552.msg202227#msg202227 date=1132000896">
oh Lumpy!!! Ure my hero....everything I have been able to say to my XH but I always get so frustrated when the time comes that I can;t even get my thoughts and words in order for it to come out that way.
Mind if I plaguerize(sp)????????
Sunshyne
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Anytime sunshyne! I think you bring up a good point regarding communication. It was important for me to try and save my marriage. In the early stages I really wore my heart on my sleeve. I still loved her and didn't want to lose her. I wish I had just stated my case once, then left. Instead, I allowed her to play with my emotions and string me along. I guess you have to find a happy medium. Maybe something like "I'm willing to do whatever it takes to save this marriage up to allowing you to be with someone else. That's a deal breaker. If and when you're willing to break off all contact with the OM/OW we can discuss reconciliation." I think that this is all about taking back some power in the relationship. It can't be all about him or all about you.
Re: Want me or Not? ga_sunshyne: That was my problem Lumpy....he was never willing to give up contact with the OW. SHe was and still is his partner at work. Not only that but he is her supervisor. I am just sitting back, waiting for the bomb to drop at work. And it will sooner or later. I just don't believe that you can have a good relationship, either personal or professional when it is someone that you live/sleep with. Too much baggage there. Not only that but he is partial in his scheduling (OT and such). Sooner or later someone is going to complain and all poopy is gonna hit the fan. He has done such a great job with his professional career that I would hate to see him screw it up over her. He carries her at work and at some point and time it's gonna come back to bite him in the butt.
I allowed him to play with my emotions as well and it has set me back so far. And he still tries to do that. Less than a month ago he showed up on my doorstep at 10 o'clock at night expecting a booty call. Needless to say, he did not allow her to know that he came over. Such a jack a$$.
Re: Want me or Not? Melmoss: Thanks so much to all of you for your advice... I just can't tell all of you how much it means to me to get your feedback. I don't feel so alone. I feel like I am ready to practice some of that "tough love" stuff and let him know that I am NOT going to be strung along anymore and I don't want anymore contact unless it is absolutely necessary. It just hurts too much. I love him but I don't want to be waiting around for him to change his mind- because the truth is, he probably never will.
thanks everyone!
Re: Want me or Not? Frazzled Nomad: yep - he needs to realise that if he DOES want you back it will take a LOT of work. he's still in the fantasy land where he can keep in contact with the other party. trust me, it will come CRASHING down. i have been in that fantasy land where i had a rebound relationship then wanted to get back with my ex gf while still being in contact 'as friends' to the rebound. ah, i was a stupid monkey. if he wants you back (and he will once the shine wears off this new r/ship) he needs to:
1. TOTALLY and FOREVER break contact with her;
2. take some time and steps to get over that (this is tough to accept but necessary);
3. beg, plead, work work work to get you back. counselling galore.
good luck
(or if you've really had enough, kicked to the curb with no contact is the way to go)
Re: just my opinion techick: [quote author=Bree link=topic=21552.msg202122#msg202122 date=1131985685">
I think what they are doing is just keeping their options open! In case something better doesn't come along or happen, they know we love them and will be the faithful people we are and be there. Hopefully, I'm wrong and they are sincere, I just don't have that much faith after my own situation.
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Yeah my lovely book I am reading, It's Called A Breakup Becuase It's Broken, says something about they are making their new beds while with you still...basically they ain't gonna let go of what they got until they are into what they are gettin'
Sad but true!
And with that, I MUST get my gf here as she has this precies problem with her H and she needs more girls like her!
