Re: Spoke with the OW the other day - need advice zippy: Hey guys thanks for responding. Feeling better today. Still heartbroken but good.
Actually this was the first time that he "strayed". The first and the last as when I found out...I walked. Funny enough he got away with it all of two days. I spent the other six figuring out what I was going to do and where I was going to stay and mentally freaking out a bit. Had he been cheating on me before? Nope.
You know how some people are swayed by influences of their peers? He's the type who always wantd to fit in with the guys he worked with...and finally with this one act he thought he achieved it. Until he got busted. Something the other guys never got caught doing. Looking back on it, it's kind of amusing to me in a sad way. The one time he "cheats" and his girlfriend busts him. I told him when we first started dating that I was very intuitive when it came to these matters I guess he forgot.
It was the peers thing plus the fact that we lived with a very codependent, controlling, 55 year old cat lady who was not his mother but acted like the mother in law from hell. I actually got along with his mother, she still emails me to this day though I've had to finally tell her that it's not sure a good idea. I still get chain mail from time to time though. There is a whole other part to this story but I didn't want to bore you with it.
Anyways...I decided not to say anything. Ah - btw - he's not with that girl it crashed and burned before it even got started. I'll let her be the one to call him while he's out on the road. It'll piss him off that she's calling him for something petty like this but I honestly don't think they're "friends" either.
The thing is, I noticed that she's still been checking my web sites but this time daily now. I guess it's an attempt to upset me? But what it's actually done is made me see a little bit more clearly. I think this is the action of a bitter woman? I had thought our conversation went well, there were no hard feelings left over from my end what so ever. But suddenly it seems as if she has them. It leads me to believe that she may have been used for emotional support after we broke up and nothing more or less. She didn't even know his roommate's name or that he got a new one. If she was hanging out with him these are things she would have known. trust. And also...the still checking up on me, his ex!
So what I'm also thinking is that maybe she's checking out our "status" who knows though? I find it rather amusing now. So let her tell him. I'm fine with it now. I just had the moment of freak out ness.
As for trusting him again, if we ever got back together would/could I? Yes. It would take time of course but I would trust him again. If we got back togehter though there would defn be some boundaries we'd have to talk about and also couseling. I never thought I'd say this, because I have NEVER been the one to go back to a man who's done this, but this one time I am willing to work it out....maybe. time will tell though, i refuse to jump into just anything. So right now? We're just lightly talking. He's not pursuing me nad I'm not pursing him.
But sheyd you are right, right now, he wants what he wants, acts impulsively and was deceptive. He is very immature at this moment in time. I'd have to see incredible change and right now honestly? I dn't see any growth. He's in the same household and the same situation. I've move out of the household and have had to create a new situation for myself. I refuse to give up our mutual friends though, they're too special to me. We can coexist and not date one another.
