Am I being selfish? lonelywithouthim: My stbx's Mom still sees my daughter pretty regularly, and called yesterday to see if she could stay 2 days the weekend after Thanksgiving because her Dad would be there. I guess it hit me off guard, but I said yeah, sure.
Now I am totally rethinking this because i've never let her stay more than one night anywhere, and I'm at a point right now where I NEED her to keep myself sane because I worry non stop when she isn't with me, and I just enjoy her company very much... so I'm thinking that I don't want her to stay the night, that maybe I should just tell her I will bring her the day they are having their dinner and let her stay all day? She's only 16 months old so she won't really know the difference, and she is going through separation anxiety right now and cries when I even leave the room. Also, there are certain people (my brother in laws fiancee) that contributed a lot in my husband and I splitting, and she will be there so I really don't want her around my child that much. Maybe I'm just being selfish? what do you think?
Secondly, her Dad has not seen her in almost 2 month.. he moved 5 hours away, and has not even called to check on her. I personally think it is HIS responsibility to call while he is in town and ask ME if he can see her. He owes me that, he's a big boy and I don't feel like it should be his Mommy asking me. We are getting ready to have another child together, and if he plans on seeing her it would be a good idea if we at least communicated. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Should I tell his Mom how I feel about it, and tell her that if he wants to see her he can call me himself?
Thanks!
LWH
Re: Am I being selfish? PiscesGoddess: Lonely-
I think you should trust yourself on this one.. YOU know what is best for your daughter..If you are uncomfortable with her being there for 2 days then tell your ex MIL that..also like you said your little girl already has seperation anxiety..she doesnt need to be away from mommy for 2 days..especially since someone will be keeping her soon enough when the baby is born right?
I think you are perfectly just in standing your ground..you are the one raising her everyday and know her better than anyone..YOU take care of yours and be firm in your decision. I think taking her there for the day is plenty ..especially since kids that small get really overwhelmed and wore out from holidays.
Good luck sweetie!
Pisces
Re: Am I being selfish? alonewith2: I agree with PG, but just wanted to add that you should do it in a way that won't leave her feeling as if you are trying to cut down on the time your daughter is with her (or her son). That will just cause all sorts of problems.
Just be honest and let her know that you miss your daughter too much when she isn't with you, and that you are more than happy to have her spend time with her grandma, but that it has to be done slowly over time instead of all at once. Then let her know that her son has not called you about visiting your daughter, and that he CAN call you to make visitation arrangements.
Good luck!!
Re: Am I being selfish? manda: Yeah, I think you could call her back and be very honest with her about it and she will respect you as a mother. Just say that the more you thought about it, the more worried you got because your daughter has a little separation anxiety lately (and tell her about when she cries even if you are going in the next room and back)... And say that you think the day would be fine, or even two shorter afternoons on those days (this offer would show her that it isn't amount of time you object to, it's long time periods for your daughter's sake)--letting her sleep in her own crib for naps and bedtime. And add that as she gets older, you'd be glad to add an overnight visit, you just don't think it should be all at once.
I don't think I'd address his lack of communication because it isn't her responsibility to talk to him about it. And I think she called just because she would like to see your daughter during the holidays and show her off to the big family--sweet, really.
Just my thoughts on it. Let us know how things go.
Re: Am I being selfish? lonelywithouthim: Thanks for the advice guys. My MIL called today to say she didn't know if my stbx was coming back for Thanksgiving at all, and she seemed pretty irritated that he wasn't. I haven't brought up anything about her staying that long yet, I guess I'm a little chicken, that is kinda sad huh? Anyway, I'm sure I'll get the nerve to do it soon.
