Married people are mean.... doug paul: I hung out with an old friend of mine this weekend. We took our kids out of town for the night. My stbxw and I used to hang with him and his wife quite a bit. Watching he and his wife interact brought back so many memories of the tension, bitterness, and just flat out meaness that is in so many marrigages, more specifically mine. He had to call his wife about every two hours, when he did she was getting on his about this or that. Then I'd have to hear him say to her, "Honey I don't know how I could do this if you weren't around". Basically kissing her ass so she won't be mad at him. I AM SO SICK OF THAT... Why does there have to be so much tenstion in marriages. I remember coming home from work and my wife and I were mad at each other, and neither knew why, we just were. And why is it acceptable for women to just blast on their husbands in front of other people. She was telling him how he didn't help enough, he doesn't make enough money, blah blah blah... I just don't know why so many people put up with eating sh** from another person. I'm sure this is a "vent", but I'm not ever going back to living that way ever again. If / when I get into another relationship I want it to be real. I don't want to have to kiss the women's backside just so she won't be mad at me. I will not accept someone who puts me down in front of other people. It's not worth it. It's almost like women think just because you married them and they control sex, they can control the man and make them do anything they want... Sorry to bash ladies, I've just seen this far to long...
Re: Married people are mean.... shockedandamazed: Doug - I see where you are coming from. Going through my divorce has opened my eyes to what my marriage was really like. Now, when I hang out with friends (they are almost all married) I see things I never saw before. For example, I have a close couple friend and the male ran by my house today to drop some things off. His cell phone rings, he looks at it rolls his eyes, and then answers the call from his wife! I looked at him and widened my eyes. When he got off the phone, I said, 'R, that's your wife! You should be glad when she calls! Don't take anything for granted!' They are newlyweds though, and I remember how rough that first year was!
My husband and I never bashed eachother in front of anyone else. We would put on all smiles until we were alone and then let it fly. I was visiting another couple who had just had a baby, and she had no qualms about yelling at her husband in front of me. He just shook it off like it was an every day occurance.
But - I also used to let the little things upset me too and I never failed to let him know about them!! I will have to work on this for the next relationship!
Re: Married people are mean.... Trying2Hope: My married friends are the same way. They are full of crap.
The cynical side of me is starting to see marriage as a near-impossible, soul-destroying institution.
50% of marriages end in divorce.
of the remaining 50%, you gotta say 1/2 of THOSE are unhappy marriages.
So, we got (being generous) a 1 in 4 chance at getting a somewhat happy marriage? And a 3 in 4 chance of being miserable? Shi t on that! That's more dangerous than Russian Roulette. :-\ :-*
Re: Married people are mean.... shockedandamazed: trying - I feel the same way, but fear that I might become bitter. When I started going through this divorce, I heard so many more stories about women and men cheating on their spouses...god, why even bother with marriage.
Seems like the celebrities know what they are doing. Everyone signs a pre-nup, sticks around with eachother until the butterflies start to fade and then hello divorce....three to four years of dating and then back to another round.
Re: Married people are mean.... sheydp: Parents are mean too - have you ever noticed that? We are the most mean, the most angry, at our children. Yet they never question our love, nor do we. I attend an early childhood class where we have a parent group for part of the time. We discussed how kids can be ANGELS at school all day then come home and be the worst little monsters. And how we do the same to our kids. We feel guilty (as we should, since that is what curbs it to more acceptable levels) that we can't be as sweet to our kids as we are to that nasty person at work, who DESERVED to get yelled at. The parent educator explained it very well - and I think it applies to marriage and married people too.
The world is stressful, and we accumulate stress throughout the day. We "behave" in public for the most part, because of manners, because of the possibility of damaging our lives when people don't tolerate our nastiness... At home, we relax. With someone we love, we let down our guard. We know they will love us no matter what... We know that they know we love them no matter what. We are SAFE being a bit nasty, because of our trust. Actually, when you see people being super careful of each other, that trust hasn't been built up yet, or was torn down (like the renewed romance of a couple working through infidelity).
I want to be in a partnership again, a fully loving and trusting one. Where we are careful of each other - but also trust that they won't expect the perfection of the newness of dating. That I and he will both be a safe haven where even when the nasty meanness comes out - we know we will still be together. And that the sweetness will be all the sweeter for that full acceptance of each other, for that trust. Think of the love you feel when you say "that friend has stayed there with me, even when I was a bitch (or asshole)". Now imagine the greater love of someone who has spent years being there through that - and also having both of you make the effort to have the good times too. That is real love. That is what I hope to have some day.
Shey
Click More for the next page.
